What I should have said

Ah, Mother's Day. Always a complicated day around here. But as I get older, I find myself caring less and less about what she thinks of me and speaking my mind more and more. Lots of times, this comes through in seemingly small ways, but they are ways that I wouldn't have tried even a couple of years ago. 

I blame the pandemic. Why? Because why not. It's to blame for everything else.

This year, like the past couple of years, I invited my parents over for lunch. This means a lot of cooking and cleaning on my part. And because I'm me, cleaning tends to involve a little more than your usual, routine housekeeping. There are items the nice, Baptist Republican parents simply don't need to see. One of these things is the plaque referencing the Harry Dresden novels which includes a pentagram. There are also various adult items that get put out of sight when they come by. 

This year, there were a couple of items I had to think about whether to hide. One is a gorgeous suncatcher in rainbow colors and the shape of a yin/yang symbol. A friend of mine made it, and I will eventually get a tattoo of the design on my arm. My living room has one large window that faces my building's parking lot, and it hangs there. Basically, it's impossible to miss when you walk into my condo. 

The other, thanks to my new cigar habit, is a tabletop humidor. It's probably eight inches square and maybe six inches tall. And it sits on a set of shelves next to my television. In other words, it is also hard to miss. 

Do I want questions about either of these things from my parents? Not really. Was I about to hide either of them? Also no. As my favorite superhero, Deadpool, once said, "I finally hit fuck it." 

So we're sitting around talking after lunch and mom asks about the suncatcher. I explain that I really love yin/yang symbols (something that should not be news to her and therefore safer to mention than the implications of the rainbow) and thought it was pretty. "I thought they were black and white," she said. Not until later did I realize that the correct response was, "You think everything is black and white." 

Because she does. For her, there is the "way things are done" and there's the wrong way. There are no shades of gray, no in betweens, none of that.

What did I say instead? "Sometimes. But I thought this one was pretty."  She let it go. 

She also discussed, at some length, a disagreement she is currently having with her own mother about her brother's common-law wife. Apparently, grandma does not like this woman, but my mother thinks she's just swell. I mean, she even likes baseball so what's not to like, right?

"I'm not going to listen to my mother anymore," she said. 

"Feels good, doesn't it?" I thought. "Good thing I didn't wait until I was seventy-fucking-five." 

Inside voices are there for a reason, y'all. 

On the other hand, we did talk about our local team and one of the players who has an unusual name. I mentioned I had never heard it before and she replied, "it's not a real name." I said, "it is to him."

Her response was the pursed lips of resignation. This means she doesn't agree but doesn't have a way of refuting it either - especially one that doesn't make her sound even more racist. 

Finally, I got to explain sexual assault stats to my parents. This is also baseball related as baseball is one of the few safe topics between us. An ex-pitcher was recently suspended from the MLB for sexual assault charges. But whereas I was glad he was facing consequences and there was some amount of justice, mom's response was, "And why are we believing the woman here?" 

I...I...what? I'm sure I blinked at her for a few seconds as I was momentarily stunned. 

I proceeded to try to explain how hard it is for women who come forward.  Mom was still convinced this woman was after the pitcher's money. I said that while false accusations do happen, they are less than 5% of all reported cases and more likely somewhere around 2%-3%. 

More pursed lips. 

My father, on the other hand, was great. Because this pitcher was always a pretentious asshole. So dad's response was, "It's not like he was getting any benefit of the doubt anyway." BINGO! 

Again, these aren't super controversial takes.  Nor were they overly political. But they were bolder than I've been before.

​Baby steps.