“You have fun this weekend and get yourself laid, girl,” Seth said with a smile before walking out the door. “That’s an order.”

“I’ll try,” I said.

“I don’t know why you’re not more excited by this,” he said. I started to speak but he stopped me. “I know, I know … you’re nervous.”

“Well, yeah,” I said.

“Relax and enjoy,” he said. “And I’ll be thinking about you.”

Thinking about us and jerking off, I thought. Or not. I guess that’s what Julie was for. But still, there was likely going to be some hot girl-on-girl action here and I was a little surprised that he didn’t want to stay for it.

It was Friday evening and, once Seth left for Atlantic City, I had almost 24 hours to stew and think. Too restless to spend the evening alone, I called Alex. “We are in our jammies for the duration tonight,” she said. “Wanna have a slumber party?”

“Give me five minutes,” I said.

I divided my hair into two ponytails and threw on my flannel pants with giant penguins on them and an old t-shirt. I grabbed a small stuffed penguin and half a bottle of rum, and headed over. Claire laughed when she saw me.

Alex made popcorn while Claire and I decided on a couple of 80s teen comedies. “I fell in love with John Cusack because of this one,” I said, pulling one from the collection.

“I wanted Ally Sheedy in that one,” Alex answered as she joined us and pointed to another selection.

“Ah the good old days before sparkly vampires,” Claire said. We all laughed.

“And the awful fan fiction that followed,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Seriously. Have you read that crap? It’s all some women at work can talk about.”

“We assumed you’d be more interested in that than us,” Alex said with a grin.

I shook my head. “I tried but I’ve never read such bad writing,” I said. “Besides, it has nothing to do with the reality of it.”

“You’re gonna need to explain your reality then,” Alex said. “I don’t get this part where he leaves you alone for entire weekends.”

I shrugged. “He likes to gamble, and I don’t especially,” I said. “But he’s good at it so I can’t begrudge him that.” Alex nodded and I paused before continuing. “I have a date tomorrow actually.”

Claire looked happy for me but Alex glowered. “Yeah, I don’t get the platonic thing either,” she said. “Movies make it look like it’s all about rough sex.”

“We’re just complicated,” I said simply. There didn’t seem to be a better way to explain us or quickly sum up all the possible dynamics out there.

“Tell us about this date,” Claire said.

“It’s with a couple from our club,” I said sheepishly. I didn’t expect them to be prudish about sex, but the words sounded odd coming out of my mouth. “We’ve been trying to plan this for a while actually.”

“Male, female or what? Claire asked. I told them about Chloe and Justin.

“Wait until you get to do it with two other women,” Claire said waggling her eyebrows.

“Is that a proposition?” I asked, laughing.

“Maybe baby,” she said, still waggling. “Keep pouring the rum and we’ll see!” More laughs all around. “Seriously though, you are going to have a blast – I love threesomes.”

“Yep, everyone gets laid this weekend,” I said. I took a drink and tried to mask how nervous I really was.

Alex asked about Seth and I told them about Julie. “It just seems weird to do all that kinky stuff but no sex,” she said. “Are you sure you’re all right with that?”

I shrugged again. “I don’t really mind,” I said. “It was never about sex for us – we were friends before and just sort of realized this dynamic works for us, so we went with it. Sex now would almost be weird.”

The lie was so convincing even I almost believed it.
…
By the following afternoon I still hadn’t figured out what to wear. What does one wear to a threesome? Well, not much, that’s for sure. But I had to wear something to dinner first. I settled on my nicest jeans and a cute top that showed an ample amount of cleavage. I packed a small bag – more of a large purse really – with a few essentials, including an extra pair of underwear and another top that wouldn’t wrinkle. I walked to a liquor store nearby for a decent bottle of wine then splurged on a cab. It was most of my budget for the weekend, but I didn’t feel like being in a subway car.

Justin greeted me at the door, and we hugged. Theirs was a much larger apartment than ours and included a small foyer that opened into a spacious living room. Chloe was reclining on their couch and rose to greet me. “Well hello, sexy lady,” she said.

I blushed.

“You are so cute,” she said, taking the wine from me. “Let’s get this chilled, shall we? Ooh, that’s a good chardonnay too. Well done.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I don’t really know that much about wine, but it was recommended to me.” I put my hands up in the universal gesture of surrender. “I know, I’m a bad Italian.”

“Ha!” she laughed. “We can fix that. Justin is practically a sommelier.”

“Oh my, well I am out of my league then,” I said, exceedingly glad that I knew what a sommelier was thanks to a cable cooking show.

“He has other talents as well,” she said seductively.

Oh goody. I almost would have felt more confident staying on the topic of wine. I thrust my hands in my pockets so Chloe and Justin couldn’t see them shaking. I was sure I was blushing again too, and tried to pull myself together. I’d never been an expert at flirting, but this felt like being 17 and a virgin all over again.

‘Tell me about the scene in Vegas,” Chloe asked as Justin put the finishing touches on dinner.

She really knew how to hit all the difficult and uncomfortable topics, I thought. “It’s definitely different from here,” I said vaguely. “More people drifting in and out as tourists.” I guessed at that last part. It sounded plausible to me, and I tried to speak with an air of authority.

“Do they have a regular dungeon space?” she asked.

I had no idea. “They had trouble keeping a space,” I said. “So I don’t know if it’s still operating or not. A lot of people ended up having private parties in their homes so things got pretty clique-ish.” I was on thin ice and desperately wanted to change the subject. Chloe nodded though, so it all must have sounded plausible to her too.

“Have you two lived in New York all your lives?” I asked.

“I have,” Chloe said. “Justin comes to us from the Midwest.”

“Oh?”

“Chicago,” he said. “But I’ve been here almost 10 years now.”

I’d had acquaintances in Chicago and desperately wanted to know if he knew any of them, but how would a Vegas girl know people in Chicago? Even with the internet, it wasn’t like me to friend people across the country. “So who has the better pizza?” I asked instead.

Justin laughed at me. “I am a Chicago boy at heart,” he said. “And two things we do better than anybody – and I do mean anybody – is blues and pizza. I don’t care what anyone says.”

Chloe shrugged, clearly disagreeing. “Sometimes I let him have an opinion,” she said. “Can I help it if it’s the wrong opinion?”

We stood around the kitchen counter and laughed. “Okay, here’s a tricky one then. Who has the worst baseball team? Cubs or the Mets?” I asked.

“Oh, I’m a southsider,” Justin said. “I’m a White Sox fan so I only root for good teams.” He was probably a Bulls fan too, I thought and inwardly shuddered. 

“I was afraid of that,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m a –” Oh hell. I would have to talk my way out of this now. “Well, I guess I’m attracted to the underdogs. And with no pro teams in Nevada, for some reason I went for the Indians.” Not only did I pronounce the state correctly, but I thought that sounded pretty reasonable.

“You choose your underdogs well,” Justin said. “How long have they been counting on next year being their year now?”

“It’s always ‘next year’,” I said. “And their last series win was 1948. The 90s broke my heart though.”
“Oh right. Not too many people saw the Marlins coming,” he said.

“And don’t get me started on the Braves,” I said. “I will hate them forever.” 

Justin nodded in understanding while Chloe was clearly bored. “You two should continue this another time,” she said as she invited me into the living room to sit down. “This is not the night for sports talk. Can Justin get you something to drink?” 

“Just water is fine,” I called back to him.

As we walked away, she stopped suddenly. “I forgot to ask,” she said. “Do you use furniture? Do you have a protocol for that in kinky homes?”

I had to think about that one. I hadn’t been in anyone else’s kinky home and wasn’t sure what to do. I wanted to do whatever Justin did, but I hadn’t seen him sit down anywhere yet. “Well, I don’t use it much at home, but I don’t have any rules about it elsewhere.”

“Oh good, sit by me then,” she said and patted the couch cushion next to her. “I just didn’t want to get you in trouble with that man of yours. He is a fine one, isn’t he?”

“Yes, he is,” I said. I was definitely blushing again.

“How did you two meet?” she asked. “I don’t mean to be nosy. I just don’t know how else to find out anything besides asking.”

“It’s fine,” I said with a smile. I told her about the Christmas party years ago and the coworker who’d been dating him first as Justin brought in a glass of ice water for me. 

“Do you ever talk to her anymore?” Chloe asked. “Or does she hate you for stealing him away?”

I didn’t much like the implication that I had stolen him from anyone, but I let it go. “No, she was gone a month later, and we were never close,” I said.

“He must be wonderful in bed,” she said, taking a sip of her wine.

Oh god. I thought we’d told them we were platonic. My mind raced as I tried to remember what we had told her. All of a sudden, I had no idea how to describe us or how our relationship had formed. And though we had fucked, I couldn’t assume what we had done was normal for him.

“Well, actually, we um … well, I don’t really know,” I stammered.

“Do tell?” Chloe said.

“Sex isn’t part of our relationship,” I said. “We’re not romantic. We actually tried dating when we first met, and it was disastrous. But we stayed friendly and eventually just sort of fell into our current roles.” I spoke quickly and although it was the truth, I felt like I was doing little more than rambling.

“Kink doesn’t have to be about hot sex,” she mused. “It just helps. How do you resist him?”

“It’s not always easy,” I admitted.

“How does he resist you?” she asked more emphatically.

“You’d have to ask him,” I said. And just like that I wanted to cry. Not only was this the second such conversation I’d had in 24 hours, but this was the sort of attention I’d been craving, the sort of desire I’d been looking for from Seth. “He has a woman he sees in Atlantic City – they’re together this weekend actually.”

“And what about your needs, Lucy?” Chloe asked.

“I’m kind of left on my own for those,” I said quietly.

“Ma’am, dinner is ready,” Justin said. He’d moved silently into the living area and I hadn’t even noticed until he spoke.

“Well, we’ll just have to fix that too,” she said as she patted my knee. She rose, and it felt as if we had all been awaiting her signal in order to move. We ended up at a formal dining table on the other side of the kitchen. I was still near tears and felt more awkward than ever.

“I’m sorry – but where is your bathroom?” I asked. Chloe pointed down a hallway and I went to compose myself. After several deep breaths, I was as ready as I was likely to be. Any longer away and I would have caused suspicion.

Dinner was individual beef wellingtons and roasted red potatoes with steamed green beans. Justin chose a dry red wine that I sipped in an effort to be polite as dry wines had never been to my taste. Conversation was kept light – I think Chloe sensed that she had hit a nerve earlier, and we kept the topic to work and life in the City in general. She was a senior accountant for a large firm, and he was a tech support analyst for a nearby software company. I pretended I knew what that meant.

Chloe also talked about how they had taught classes on formal dinners and used their home to host them from time to time. “So few people have the room we do,” she said. “Plus, we enjoy it and it gives the boy a chance to show off.” She winked at him and he smiled in return.

I’d been curious about formal service, but it had always seemed like too much work and not something I had a deep desire to learn. Further, it was something my last ex had started making noises about when we broke up. That alone had made me disinterested. Not wanting to sound disparaging, however, I asked when they would be teaching again. 

“Who knows?” Chloe exclaimed. She sounded exasperated. “Life has been so crazy lately what with the Festival and weird work schedules. I love being busy but sometimes I just want to slow down, you know?” I did.

Justin got up to clear the dishes and started loading the dishwasher. “That was wonderful,” I said. “I’m stuffed.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” Chloe said. “Have you ever been fisted?”

I nearly spat my water across the table. “In case you haven’t noticed, she can be a little direct,” Justin called from the kitchen.

“Nobody asked you boy,” Chloe called back playfully. Looking back at me with a sly smile, she said, “Well, Lucy?”

“Um, no actually,” I said, instantly looking down at the size of her hands. They were mercifully small. “I mean, I’ve been curious, but no one’s ever offered.”

“Incredible,” she said, shaking her head.

“I should say this too,” I said hesitantly. “I’ve never had a threesome and I’m not very experienced with women.” Inside I cowered, waiting for the backlash or some sort of negative response from Chloe.

“Oh sweetie,don’t worry about that,” she said. “I had a feeling that might be the case, and I have a plan.”

Did they learn that line in Dom School? I wondered. The Plan, as it turned out was that Justin would pleasure Chloe (“he knows me and knows just what to do,” as she put it), Chloe would fist me and I would blow Justin (“the boy needs a treat,” Chloe said). This was so much better than any of Seth’s plans had ever been.

The three of us started out awkwardly with some forced conversation. Their bedroom was painted a dark purple and I was still admiring such a bold color choice, and wondering why I hadn’t considered some shade of purple for our own apartment, when Chloe began kissing me and moving her hands towards the button and zipper of my jeans. “Let’s get you out of those, shall we?” she said.

Fuck the decorating, I thought.

From there, we alternated who was the center of attention. They both descended on me and, following their leads, I reciprocated in turn nibbling a nipple here and an earlobe there. Oh yes, I remembered what this sort of touch was like, and it was every bit as glorious as I had once known it to be.

With so many limbs, it took us a few minutes to find our rhythm. But I soon knew the joys of two different mouths on me at the same time, four different hands and two sets of legs to get entwined with mine. Pleasured moans, breaths caught in throats, gasps, and what would have been prayers in a different context were the only sounds for quite some time.

I started to wonder who was going to go first in Chloe’s Big Plan and made a conscious effort to relax and just soak it all in. After all, there was no need to rush this. These people wanted me. Me, of all people. And I was determined to savor that as long as I could. Finally, Justin moved down toward Chloe’s pussy and I took over on the rest of her, sucking nipples, caressing her stomach and gently kissing her neck and mouth.

When she started to climax, I stayed close and imagined where I would want the extra attention if I were her. I kissed her neck and stayed where I was until she quieted. I looked down at Justin, and he winked before beckoning me towards him. If I’d had lapels, he would have grabbed them. Instead, I leaned toward him and he met me with a kiss on the lips. I’d never tasted another woman in such a way, and I loved it.

“Enjoy that?” Chloe asked. I nodded. “Now I think it’s your turn for a while. I’m going to rest and enjoy the view.”

Justin started kissing me again and caressing my breasts. I ran my own hands over his smooth chest then moved down and felt him growing. I slowly moved my mouth down his nipples and stomach until I reached his pelvis.

By then, Chloe had taken over pinching his nipples and biting around his neck. She also reached down with a small vial of lube for me and smiled. It was wonderfully subtle on her part and helped ease my own awkwardness. It took a couple of minutes to tame my gag reflex, but I was soon able to read Justin’s body and used my hands and mouth for the desired effects. With his mistress and I both working on him, it didn’t take him long to come at all.

Justin collapsed and Chloe pulled me in for a kiss of her own. “Looks like it’s your turn, little girl,” she said as she retrieved the lube from me. “Lie back.”

I did as I was told. I’d worked hard and needed the break. But this was no time for rest. Chloe spread my legs with authority and sat between them as her fingers began probing me. Justin joined back in too, caressing then nibbling my nipples. My back arched.

First two, then three of Chloe’s fingers went in. Finally, I felt all four go in up to the first knuckle, and I knew the difficult part was just starting. “Let me know if it’s too much,” she said gently. As she pushed her way in, I writhed and moaned, sometimes in pain, sometimes in pleasure, usually in a mixture of both. “Talk to me,” she said. “Are you okay?”

“For now,” I said, panting. I wondered if this was what giving birth was like, only in reverse. She eased up and continued slowly, applying more lube. Meanwhile, Justin continued caressing me and kissing around my breasts, nipples and neck. He served as something of a distraction and before I knew it, Chloe was easing her hand in even farther. “Oh god stop!” I said.

She did but didn’t pull out completely either. “Almost there,” she said. In and out went her fingers as Justin’s teeth nibbled around my breastbone, then up my neck and chin. “Should I continue?”

“Okay,” I said, still out of breath. It was far from an intelligent response, but it was the only one I had. She pushed back in, getting as far as she had before, and then paused before trying for more. I could see her watching my face for a sign and though I desperately wanted to take her all in, the stress on my insides was getting to be too much. “I need words,” she said. “Is that too much?”

“I don’t think I can take any more,” I said, disappointed.

My disappointment was brief. Chloe motioned to Justin who pulled out a vibrator from the bedside table and put a condom over it. Chloe’s one hand stayed in place as she used the vibrator on and around my clit. I came hard and fast after that, first once, then twice, screaming the name of every deity I could think of.

“Holy Jesus,” I said as I collapsed.

Chloe laughed, then went to wash her hands. Justin left and brought back a glass of water for all of us. I realized I needed to wash my hands as well but couldn’t bring myself to move. “You did great,” Chloe said when she returned. “Very good for a first timer.”

“Really?” I asked. “The mind was willing but –”

“The flesh wasn’t,” she said. “It’s fine, because I don’t care what porn tells you – almost no one is able to take a full fist the first time they try it.”

“Cool,” I said as I took a drink. Yeah, I was really rocking the comebacks tonight. “May I?” I asked, motioning toward the larger bathroom off their bedroom.

“Help yourself,” Chloe said.

I wanted to process what I’d just done, overthink it all as usual, and figure out what it all meant, but it was too soon. I needed sleep first. The processing would come later. 

Soon after, we all fell asleep on their king-sized bed, arms and legs falling where they may. All of us were satisfied.
…
Justin was up first and as I opened my eyes, I could smell bacon frying. Chloe was also awake and smiling at me. “I could get used to this,” I said.

She smiled with a mixture of tenderness and pride. “He takes very good care of me,” she said.

After breakfast, we took turns with the shower and I got dressed to leave. Walking out, I had to wonder – how does one go back to a normal routine after a night like that? We all agreed it needed to happen again though and promised ourselves that it would. I left with all sorts of floaty feelings and wondered if people on the street could read my face and body language well enough to know what I’d been doing. I felt like “I just had great sex” was written in neon on my forehead.

I took the subway home and grinned like a fool the whole way. At home, I smiled at odd times too as random memories floated back to me and turned my usual routine into something much more interesting.

I’d barely been home five minutes when there was a knock. I checked the peephole and it was Claire. Congratulating myself on not panicking at a seemingly random knock, I opened the door. “Well?” she asked.

“Oh my god,” I said grinning widely. “It really was awesome.”

She walked past me and sat down. “Tell me everything Lucy,” she said. “Who did who and all the good juicy stuff.” I gushed like a schoolgirl and gave over all the details, including what we had for dinner.

“God, maybe we are missing something by not being kinky!” she said. We both laughed.

“Except there wasn’t really anything kinky about it,” I said. “Unless you count the number of people involved.”

“At this point, that counts for me,” she said. “I’m about to be an old married woman you know!” We cackled at that and she scooted back to her apartment.

When Seth got home that evening though, I could barely talk about it with him. I gave him the basics, but I had a hard time putting my feelings into words. It was amazing to feel so wanted again, so sexy and desirable. I didn’t know how to explain how I lusted for the same thing from him. 

“I told you there wasn’t any reason to be nervous,” he said. “But I did think you would be more excited than this.”

“Well, I’m worn out now, aren’t I?” I replied grinning. He bought it and I tried to let go of what I wanted from him. Instead, I continued my adolescent fantasy that he would enter my room one night insisting that we follow all the strictest rules we’d ever come across, before kidnapping me to some unknown location where he held me down and fucked me senseless.
​
The fantasies grew ever more extreme and unrealistic, but they got me through a lot of lonely nights.

“This is a lot of people,” Seth said.

As we stood in line to register at the Festival, and get our schedules and name badges, he looked a little overwhelmed and I sympathized. It was a daunting crowd and though he’d gotten used to socializing with the folks in the local scene, this was a national event. As I watched him, I could see his mood adjust and wondered if this was what he looked like when he played poker. He went from looking downright boyish to the confident and assertive man I knew him to be.

The big weekend started on a Friday afternoon with a couple classes for first-timers along with meet and greets. But it really got going that night with a Masquerade Ball. The whole thing took place at the hotel and although I had been to a few multi-day events before, I had never seen so many kinky people all together in one place. Seth and I both took quite a bit of time taking in the scenery and checking out all the costumes.

For this event, and the first party in particular, there was less leather and more formal wear and fetish gear. Most people seemed interested in wearing as little as they could get away with. Masks had been encouraged and most people wore some version of one, whether it was a simple plastic job from a dollar store, or a more elegant and detailed array with feathers, satin, and sequins. I had opted for something in between. I was dressed in a simple black pencil skirt and an overbust black leather corset I’d bought at one of the more regular events. I also carried a colorful, Mardi-Gras type mask attached to a stick so I could remove it at will.

Seth looked quite dapper in his dressy black suit that I’d seen him wear a couple of times to meet with high-profile clients. He’d also found a plain black mask, also on a stick, that looked like leather but was really made of some synthetic material. Together, I thought we looked pretty amazing. Getting dressed, I was even wondering if we would be seen as the “hot new couple.” But that all changed when I saw the size of the crowd. 

There were so many people and so many disguises, it took us awhile to locate anyone we actually knew. But, masks or not, I couldn’t have missed the voice and laugh that suddenly sounded behind me. I momentarily froze then returned my mask to my face and turned around slowly. As I did so, I spotted the woman who had been in charge of the group I had attended in Cleveland. I would have known her anywhere.

Her name was Sofia but most people just referred to her as the HBIC or “Head Bitch in Charge.” The title made her sound far more severe than she was, however. She was barely five feet tall, nearly that wide, and was a ball of motion and energy. I had heard rumors that she could be demanding, but I had only known her as creative, gracious, and friendly to everyone, with a perpetual – and genuine – smile on her face. She had made everyone feel valued and special. I had been in awe of her the whole time I’d known her, and wished we could have been closer.

Her costume was a simple black top with sequins and a long black skirt but she carried one of the more elaborate masks I’d seen. It included not only sequins but feathers and plastic bits that extended out into curlicues around her face. She’d lost weight since I’d seen her, and she looked lovely. Her mask somehow managed to make her appear a little taller too.

With her was another woman I had wished I could have kept in touch with. She had gone by the name KatyDid but everyone just called her Katy. She was bubbly and talkative and somehow managed to not be annoying despite the seemingly endless amount of words she could string together at once.

I remembered then how much fun she had always had with costumes and tonight was no exception. She was decked out like an all-American superhero in a costume that included red vinyl thigh-high boots, a red, white, and blue corset, and shield. She looked amazing. She might recognize me too, I thought, but not as quickly as Sophia would.

I turned away from them and looked fervently for Seth. He was talking to Ali, a very gothy girl we had met at one of the regular parties. She was wearing high platform shoes with skulls on them and was otherwise in all black, as usual. She had a high, squeaky voice, Bettie Page bangs, and a number of gaming tattoos all over her body. I found her delightful and adorable.

I approached them and she hugged me as we exchanged pleasantries. When I had a chance, I looked to Seth and said, “I’m sorry, Sir but I need to talk to you for a minute.” He excused himself and we walked a few feet away in order to talk.

“What is it?” he asked.

“There are people here I recognize from Cleveland,” I said quietly.

“Would they recognize you?” he asked.

“One would for sure – the other would recognize me but she might not remember why,” I answered. I had removed my mask to talk to Seth and I thought I had moved us far enough away from where Sofia and Katy had been that neither of them would notice us. Just then, I heard Sofia’s squeal and from the corner of my eye I could see her bounding my way. “Here she comes now,” I whispered.

“Tell her you moved away,” he said quickly. My name tag only had my new scene name on it, and I hoped she wouldn’t announce the name she remembered too loudly.

“Oh my god – it is you!” Sofia shrieked as she approached. “I can’t believe it – we wondered what ever happened to you! God, your hair looks great – did you cut it since I saw you last or was it always that length?” Her voice carried easily over the din of the room. I smiled as widely as I could and hugged her, but I didn’t have a chance to answer her before she was talking excitedly again. She looked up at Seth – her own husband was about his height, so she was used to looking up. “I don’t remember this tall drink of water though,” she said.

“Sofia, this is my Sir, Seth,” I said. I looked at Seth and said, “Sofia runs the group I used to go to.”
“Well, we do value all our volunteers,” she said brightly. “I don’t do it alone.”

“You always made it look so easy though,” I said with a smile. Suddenly I was nostalgic for the old place, how much she had been able to do with it, and how well she had managed to keep the group running no matter what.

“Oh god, we’ve had such drama this year though – I should tell you about it. Maybe over lunch tomorrow. Do you have plans? Oh, and did you see Katy? She’s over that way somewhere.” She pointed off in the distance and I could just make out Katy’s back through the crowd. “Or at least she was when I last saw her.”

That was Sofia. She could change subjects faster than a hummingbird could change flight direction. “I’m not sure what we’re doing for lunch tomorrow,” I said as I looked Seth’s way. “But I did see Katy – she looks incredible, as always. Where’s – um, where’s your husband?” I remembered his name but had deliberately avoided it.

“Oh, you know Paul – he hates big crowds. He’d never come to something like this,” she said. She showed a brief expression of sadness, but it quickly disappeared.  And I barely remembered her Paul. He’d come out only rarely, even in Cleveland. “What happened to you? All of a sudden you just quit coming!”

“I had some personal issues,” I said. “And then I recently moved out here to be with Sir.”

“Oh, how wonderful,” she exclaimed. “Did you meet online? Weren’t you big into online dating?”
“Mutual friends actually,” Seth interjected. I was so relieved.

“Well you look really happy,” she said. “We’ll have to catch up some time this weekend – we’ll all go to lunch, okay?”

“That would be great,” Seth said. I secretly hoped we could somehow avoid both her and Katy the rest of the weekend.

“You handled that fine,” Seth said after she left.

“I don’t want to have lunch with her,” I said. “She can be a huge gossip. I mean, I don’t think she means any harm, but I don’t want her going back and blabbing to everyone about me.”  

“So you think she’ll go right home and tell everyone there exactly where you went and why? Is that it?” He said it as if I had been exaggerating but I knew I wasn’t. Not this time.

“Maybe,” I said.

“You’re overreacting again,” he said. “Relax and see how it goes. Let her talk about the drama she referred to. That ought to keep the subject off of you.” He made an excellent point.
…
We spent most of Saturday in classes, usually different ones. There were plenty of options, and enough that we both wanted to see that we decided to split our time. I ended up in one with Katy about slave positions. Although Seth and I had agreed not to explore that option, Katy and I were both curious about it. Katy and I chatted some, mostly about the speaker who we both found incredibly attractive. We agreed that we would be happy to get in any position he wanted.

Seth and I met up at lunch but neither of us had seen Sofia. We decided to go to a local restaurant instead of staying at the hotel. We saw a few other attendees but no Sofia. We also exchanged notes about our classes. He’d gone to one on genitorture and I couldn’t imagine why as he didn’t seem interested in going anywhere near my genitals. He simply said he’d been intrigued.

We had both attended one on protocols, but most of what was discussed was stuff we either already did or had talked about and decided against doing. “I loved his idea about creating neutral space though,” I said.

The instructor had talked about the need for a regular time or place that would be without protocols, where a couple could talk on equal ground. He’d said his submissive’s signal that she needed to talk something over was to dish out ice cream and take it to him. Another couple in the room had said they called it “porch time” because it was the only place in the house where they could be sure to be away from their kids. It didn’t matter if they physically went to their house’s porch, the wife had said, just saying the words signaled a need to talk.

“You can always talk to me,” Seth said. “I hope you know that.”

“I do but … I like the idea of either distinguishing that time or having a special space for it,” I said.
“I’m not sure our place is big enough,” Seth said, smiling. “Let’s just say you can always call a time-out if you need to. How’s that sound?”

I thought that sounded fine.

The afternoon was more of the same, but we also found time to wander around the vendor area. There was everything from floggers and paddles to vibrators and funny novelty items. One booth had gags in just about every theme possible, including Hello Kitty and various sports balls. I thought one with a small rubber baseball was particularly funny and bought it. Seth was amused. He wasn’t a sports fan and didn’t seem to understand my love of the game, especially when my beloved Indians had had such a crappy season. I told him I was used to it, that it fed my inner masochist.

At the party that night, there was still no sign of Sofia, and I started to genuinely worry. I spotted Katy though. She looked like a geisha girl, and I wished again that I could put outfits together as well as she did – she had such a knack for finding just the right pieces and she made it look effortless. I asked her about Sofia. “She woke up not feeling well,” Katy said. “I think she’s been in our room all day. I checked on her around lunch and she seemed to be doing a little better, just really tired.”

“I hope she feels better,” I said. Katy sounded optimistic then skipped off for her play date. Sometime after the positions class, she had propositioned the instructor. Her own husband was traveling on business and unable to make it to the event.

“I got an all-access pass for my hoo-ha though,” she said, then laughed and moved her hands around her midsection. I laughed with her – she was exactly as I had remembered.

Seth kept me on the leash when we were together, but he and I didn’t plan on playing apart from that. We mostly watched and socialized some as we found even more local people, including a shy young man who was only at his second party ever. He introduced himself as WolfMaster and I immediately started thinking of him as Mr. Wolf. Neither name really fit him though. He was young, obviously new, and extremely eager.

A little too eager, I thought, but adorable enough to make up for it. His bleached blond hair made him look like a surfer, but he wore a tank top and black kilt that was obviously brand new because he had overlooked the plastic tag holder that still stuck out from the hem.  I remembered being that new and how easy it was to want to try everything all at once.

Mr. Wolf latched onto Seth quickly and assumed he was an expert at everything. I was glad he hadn’t glommed onto someone less trustworthy and didn’t mind at all. Among other things, they talked about places that were safe to hit on the body and what places to avoid. The kid had been to a 101 class during the day and sounded like he was just parroting what the instructor had said.

It was then that I heard Seth offer me up as a practice doll. While not opposed to the idea, I was a little surprised that he’d simply hand me over like that. He must have seen my surprise because he looked at both of us and said, “I’ll stand nearby and make sure everything goes smoothly.”

I was used to getting undressed in public, but I wasn’t sure how far to go with the new kid. I went down to my underwear and Mr. Wolf looked like he’d just won a date with the prom queen. I smiled at him and turned towards a free cross. Because this was more of a learning experience than anything, we used no restraints and I hugged the middle of the giant X.

There were some community toys around for general use and the Wolf picked up a flogger and started to use it on my back. It wasn’t bad for a warmup but after several minutes, he still hadn’t upped the intensity level at all.  Just when I started to think there would be nothing else to it, I heard Seth say, “You can hit her harder than that.”

I turned my head to see Seth had taken the flogger from the kid. He waved his hand at me and I turned back around. This time the flogger landed with a heavy thwack that made me jump. I turned to face them again in shock.

“No peeking,” Seth said to me with a wink. “If you peek, you’re not true.” I turned back to the cross, and the two of them took turns after that. By the end, Mr. Wolf had improved some, but it was still obvious to me when he was wielding the flogger instead of Seth.

“I think I could turn into a real sadist,” he said proudly when we were done. I smiled and resisted the urge to pat him on the head like a puppy. At least he was young enough that he had plenty of time to learn. 


“Thank you for all your help, Sir,” he said to Seth. “And, um, for the use of your property.”
Seth shook his hand and said, “No problem but you don’t have to call me Sir.”

Mr. Wolf looked between us and said, “Oh but I thought … I mean, you’re the dominant here right?”

“Yes,” Seth said smiling. “But only she has to call me that.”

“And just call me Lucy, please,” I added.

Wolfy looked at both of us confused, stammered something about hoping to do this again, and walked away.

“He’ll get better,” I said as we watched him move toward the snack area.

“I think I’m old enough to be his father,” Seth said.

“Maybe you should take him under your wing, then,” I said. If I knew how to wink, I would have. “Show him how to be a True Dominate.”

Seth shook his head and reattached the leash. “First step – we get him a new name,” he said and we both laughed.
…
Besides the play rooms, there was also a room for jello wrestling and another set up as a casino that acted as a fundraiser for a national kink organization. Naturally, Seth made a beeline for that the first chance he got.

I found Chloe – I no longer had to ask in order to play with her - and we had a short scene, but it wasn’t the same. There were too many people, too many distractions. I couldn’t focus and I think she picked up on that.

Afterwards, I finally saw Sofia wandering around and again tried to avoid her, but she had me locked in her sights. She found me at a snack table and asked about my plans for the night. She’d always been a great rope top but too busy to do a lot of playing back home. I felt awkward being around her at all and after my scene with Chloe, I really wasn’t in the mood to try again. I told her as much – and that Seth would have to know her better – and she understood.

“There’s a lot going on here,” she said with a nod. “So, lunch! We have to do lunch before me and Katy leave. I spotted this great looking little Mexican place down the road on our way in – what do you say?”
I couldn’t put her o
ff any longer. Seth had virtually given the green light the night before too, so I agreed that we’d meet her in the lobby around noon the next day. I started dreading it almost immediately and excused myself as soon as I could.

At the regular munches and parties, I had just begun to feel like we were settling in and getting to be known a little. It was nice, familiar even. But here, I felt as out of my league as I had feared I would when we were still on the road. Most people were from out of town and I suddenly felt more awkward and shy than I had in months.

I barely had time to get pensive, however, before an adorable girl we had met at one of the local parties, Leigh, charged up and hugged me. She was tall, pretty but quite thin, her shape androgynous and her voice deeper than one might have expected at first glance. She wore a plain t-shirt that showed off her small breasts, and a tight black vinyl skirt. We were talking about all the interesting scenes that were going on when Seth returned. Leigh tried to hug him as well but Seth, who was not a big hugger anyway, instantly shot his hand out to avoid it. “Oh, I am sorry,” Leigh said, shaking his hand. “I’m just such a hugger--I forget that not everyone is.”

Seth mumbled something about it being okay and she bounced off to someone else soon afterwards. He was clearly uncomfortable though. “She’s cute, huh?” I said.

“She?”

“Yes. She,” I said firmly. “What were you thinking?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “What is the right word anyway?”

“For what?” I asked. “The pronouns should definitely be female but if you’re looking for a label, I’d go with transgender. You might want to confirm that with her though.”

“But…” he started.

“But nothing,” I whispered, trying not to cause a scene. “She’s presenting female. She’s female.” I knew what he was thinking though. We’d seen her play, seen her get tied up and suspended in her underwear. She passed well but at that point, it had been clear she was pre-op. Or non-op. I didn’t want to assume anything.

“How do you know all this?” he asked.

“There are trans people in Cleveland too,” I said as condescendingly as I dared. “There was one woman who was damn cute too. She frequently quoted one of my favorite obscure movies. I wonder whatever happened to her?” I stared off into the distance, suddenly extremely curious about someone I’d only ever met a handful of times and had never talked to much.

“What difference does that make now?” he asked.

“Never mind,” I said, deflated. “Just use the pronoun of the gender a person is presenting as. If you’re not sure, you can ask them how they want to be addressed, or wait for others to address them and see what they use.”

Seth looked both confused and impressed with me at the same time. “I guess I have to take your word for it,” he said.

We walked around some more and considered going back to our room when Seth was approached by another male dominant named John. We’d seen him around and exchanged pleasantries but that was about all. He seemed to be something of a bigwig and carried himself as someone who was Important to Know.

“I’m about to get some fire play going in one of the other rooms,” John said, looking between the two of us. “Maybe your girl would like to be sacrificed to the fire gods.”

“Isn’t it proper to ask my permission first?” Seth asked.

This was going to be fun, I thought. I loved when Seth was angry at someone other than me. 

“I do fire play on everybody,” John said. “I’m always looking for virgins.”

“And that makes it okay to assume I’d allow her to play with you?” Seth asked.

John extended his hand to shake Seth’s. “I meant no disrespect – it’s usually something new for people and I like to help them out.” He spoke enthusiastically as if that were enough to get him out of the awkward conversation he’d created.

Seth didn’t take his hand right away but crossed his arms and took a step closer – in his boots, he was a good inch or two taller than John, and he spoke in that slow manner that I knew meant danger. “I decide what she gets to try,” he said quietly. “Please do not presume to know either what I will allow or what she would like.” Only then did he shake hands.

I expected John to look more embarrassed, at least more aware that of the faux pas he had just committed. Instead, he looked mostly oblivious as he walked away.

I rolled my eyes. “I’m not a fire virgin anyway,” I said. “We had guys like him back home too.”
“Assholes or fire players?” Seth asked.

“Yes,” I said.

Chloe walked over then. She’d watched the entire exchange and I hadn’t even noticed her. “I see you’ve met one of our resident Domly Doms,” she said. “Don’t let him intimidate you.”

“He didn’t,” Seth said simply.

“Good man,” Chloe said laughing.

Before we all retired for the evening, we agreed that I would go over to Chloe and Justin’s apartment the following Saturday. I’d gotten so used to thinking of him as the boy that I was startled to hear his actual name. “You’ll come over, he’ll cook, we’ll talk, and then see what happens from there,” Chloe said, then winked at me as she walked away. Funny how a simple wink could be so unnerving.

I told Seth about the plans I had made for lunch the next day with Sofia, and he still seemed far more comfortable with it than I did. He patted my head affectionately and said, “As long as you don’t act like anything is out of line, she won’t even notice.” I hoped he was right.

Of course, it was closer to 12:30 the next day before Sofia hurried over with an excuse about the hotel and how they had charged her for phone calls she hadn’t even made. It was the sort of low-level drama that always seemed to follow her, I thought. The restaurant she picked was excellent though, and she did indeed spend most of the time talking about their problem-child board member.

Apparently, this person was not carrying their weight and had begun spreading lies about the board. I smiled sympathetically and tried to empathize. “Such a shame that one person can cause so much trouble,” I said. Sofia nodded in agreement.

When the subject did turn to me and Seth, I was as vague as possible but also asked that she not let it out back home that I had moved. “For personal reasons, I’d rather this stay between us,” I said.

“Oh sure, I understand,” she said. “Did something bad happen back there though? Did you have a problem with someone that we should know about?”

I assured her that my problems had nothing to do with the group and she seemed satisfied enough. I changed the subject to Katy’s job, talked a little about my own and described Seth as being in tech support.

We hugged and vowed to keep in touch. I felt like a child leaving summer camp. So many smiles and weepy goodbyes that would be forgotten as soon as we left a common space.

But mostly I felt relieved. It had felt like taking a test. Despite my nerves, Seth and I had played our parts and passed with flying colors. I couldn’t have done it without him.

During my weeks of self-imposed isolation, I felt like I couldn’t let my guard down. I knew that as soon as I did, Paul would show up and the whole charade would be over. I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that weeks of silence meant he had gone away forever. Even with Seth around, I jumped at every little sound.

When he left, it was worse. Seth went to Atlantic City once during that time and I didn’t leave the apartment at all. I kept the door bolted and even propped up one of the dining chairs in front of it. I tried to stay in my room, but I was paranoid, certain that I kept hearing noises from outside that weren’t there. Opening the bedroom door didn’t help either. I kept checking the windows to make sure they were locked and constantly checked the fire escape.

I thought of going over to Alex and Claire’s but didn’t know how to explain what was wrong. When Alex knocked that Saturday afternoon, probably to see if I wanted to come out that night, I ignored her and pretended I wasn’t home.

“You’re overreacting. You have to live your life Lu,” Seth told me when he got home on Sunday.
“I am trying to keep my life,” I told him.

“My people are tracking him,” he said. “He hasn’t shown up anywhere near us and we’ve left no trail by which he could follow us here. How many times do I have to remind you of that?”
Until I believe it, I thought.

“But it’s been a week since he showed up anywhere,” I said. “We both know how far you can get in that amount of time and isn’t it just a little bit possible that he’s figured out how to go off the grid too?”

“He’s not that bright,” Seth said. “The fact that he keeps showing up on our radar at all proves that. Last I heard he was in Florida – he’s probably bilking old people out of their money by now.”

I wasn’t convinced. If Seth had “people,” I was sure Paul could have “people” too. And they were certainly more dangerous than Seth’s hacker friends. I was equally sure that he might send one of them after us instead of doing it himself. “But what if – ”

“Look, I’m not saying he won’t try something again but if he does, he will do it himself because he wants to make sure we know it’s him, just like last time,” Seth said. “Now, we are going out tonight. I’ve put Chloe off long enough.”

“About that,” I said. “I don’t think I’m up for it.”

“The munch or the threesome?” he asked. On some level, I loved that our lives involved such questions.

“Quite frankly, either,” I said.

“The munch is happening,” he said. “That’s an order.”

“Fine,” I said as I started to walk away, I was acting like a rebellious teenager, but I didn’t care.  

“Excuse me babe,” he said, coming after me. “But … fine?”

“Why aren’t you more worried about this?” I yelled.

“Just because I am not barricading myself in my own home does not mean it’s not on my mind,” he replied calmly. “My guard is as up as it’s ever been, sweetheart. It’s been up since I was 18 goddamn years old and it hasn’t let me down yet.”

“I see him everywhere I go,” I said. I wasn’t yelling anymore but I was panicky, my voice wobbly. “He’s on the train every day. He’s in my office building. He’s waiting in the lobby here. Every time I turn and see a man looking at me, I’m afraid it’s Paul or one of his henchmen.”

Seth laughed at me. “Paul does not have henchmen.”

“You don’t know that!” Now I was yelling.

Seth grabbed me by the shoulders and put my back against the wall. He was forceful but not out to hurt me, just trying to make his point. “I need you to listen to me,” he said. “I will not allow this to continue –”

“But you’re not out there with me all the time,” I said, now both panicky and yelling. “You can’t be everywhere!”

“Running and hiding is not an option either,” he said. He spoke deliberately, using that deathly serious tone that did not invite argument. “Not anymore. You are blowing this completely out of proportion.”

“I can’t do this,” I said, defeated. I started to slide down the wall towards the floor, but Seth still had a grip on both my shoulders and held me up.

“Stop it,” he said. “You are not that weak. And I am taking you with me even if I have to use the leash.”

“You wouldn’t …”

“Try me,” he said. “We see weirder shit than that all the time around here. No one would bat an eyelash.”

I went willingly.

At the restaurant, Seth apologized to Chloe with the vague excuse that personal matters had interrupted our fun. “No problem,” she said smiling. “It happens to all of us at one time or another. Real life has the crappiest sense of timing.”

I smiled weakly, still shaken by my fight with Seth and more aware of my own paranoia than ever. The waitress took our orders and left.

“Will you two be at the Festival next week?” Chloe continued. “I’d love to play with Lucy again provided we have enough time. Then we could see where things go from there.” She spoke confidently, like someone who was used to getting her way. And she was looking at both of us. Seth had been right, I thought. She wanted him as much as me. Or maybe she was just looking to him for permission. I couldn’t tell anymore. 

“We’ll be there,” Seth said. He took my hand under the table and squeezed it. The Festival was a weekend-long event complete with classes during the day, vendors, and two nights of play parties. We’d registered for it before the scare with Paul and I had started to dread it just a little.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to get out of going to any part of it now. It was being held at a hotel in New Jersey and we had already booked the room and put down a deposit. Until that moment, I had wondered how much I could blockade myself there. While everyone else spent the rest of the evening talking about their plans for the Festival, what they were going to wear and what special scenes they wanted to do, I barely said anything. I couldn’t get excited about any of it.
…
The following evening, as I knelt in front of Seth after work, he told me he had a plan. I had started to dread those words as they usually meant I was in trouble. But this time he sounded more hopeful than threatening. “Okay …” I said.

“Whatever happened to ‘Yes, Sir’?” he asked. He was serious, and verging on angry.

I took a deep breath and tried to use the ritual as intended. I was supposed to focus when I got home, and I’d done a crap job of that lately. “Yes, Sir?” I asked.

“We’re going for a walk,” he said. I wanted to ask why, but I already knew the answer. I wanted to beg and plead to get out of it, but it wasn’t an unreasonable order. We’d taken walks around the neighborhood all the time when we’d first moved in and gotten to know the area pretty well that way. Our walks had helped us get comfortable in our surroundings.

“It can be short tonight and we don’t have to do this every day, but I do want this to be something of a routine for a while,” he continued. “I need you to be less afraid of going outside these four walls.”

“I understand,” I said. I still didn’t like it, but I had to start somewhere. I had to admit that always being afraid was getting tiresome.

“Good girl,” he said. “And here I thought I would have to threaten you with the leash again, or handcuff you to me.” He smiled down at me, but I had no doubt that he would have done exactly that had I refused or put up any type of fight.

I changed quickly into jeans and a t-shirt. It was late summer now and the temperatures were cooler in the evenings, so I grabbed my jacket too. “Look at me,” he said before we walked out. I looked up at him and felt like an adoring fan instead of a submissive. “Tell me you can do this.”

Another deep breath. “I can do this.”

“Much better,” he said.

As we walked, he instructed me about how to be aware without looking like you were suspicious or on the lookout. “I used to be a single woman in a big city,” I said. “I know how to walk defensively.” I’d worked retail in downtown Cleveland when I was just out of high school, and had learned to ignore catcalls and not make eye contact instinctively. Cleveland felt like a small town in comparison to New York, but I’d easily fallen back into those old habits, especially since starting my job.

“You were looking out for general predators, not a particular person,” he said. “But yes, it’s the same general principal.”

I was fidgety and didn’t know what to do with my hands. I alternately crossed my arms and put my hands in my pockets. I felt like a mess, but it wasn’t so different than how I had been acting on commutes. It was just that now, I had someone with me and I felt more self-conscious.

Seth took my hand. “I’ve got you, Lu,” he said quietly.

“I wish I could just ignore this,” I said. “I just want to be over it.”

“And I wish it was something I could simply beat out of you,” he said. “But there’s no magic wand we can wave over this. We have to work at fixing it ourselves.” It was the sort of thing that, just a few months ago, would have started a fight between us. I’d have gotten defensive and angry at even the vague suggestion that I wasn’t willing to work. But he had said it as a fact, not as a way of attacking or antagonizing me. We had both grown, I thought.

I looked down at my feet. One step at a time, I thought. Such an awful cliché, so overused. But it applied here. Each step was a step forward and got me a little closer to the finish line. I needed to stop thinking in bumper sticker slogans.

“Do you think Chloe is going to want more than just a play date this weekend?” I asked in an effort to change the subject.

“Maybe,” he said. “What would you think of that?”

“I like her,” I said. “She’s sexy. Justin’s sexy. I just don’t have much experience with women. I mean, I’ve fooled around some and even had a one-night stand with a girl back home, but she was as inexperienced as I was and … I have a feeling Chloe’s not going to be pleased so easily.”

Seth laughed. “No, probably not. I think she needs a lot of attention.”

“I just keep getting this image of her training me ‘how to please a woman’ and I’m not sure that’s how I want to learn,” I said as quietly as I could. When did all these children move into our neighborhood? Had they always been here, and I hadn’t noticed them before? “I’d rather it happened more naturally.”

“Or it won’t be like that at all and you’ll actually enjoy it,” he said. “Why not tell her what you just told me?”

“Because she’ll laugh and think it’s cute or, worse, shun me for not being a better little bi-girl,” I said.

“You need to give people more credit,” he said. “If she’s bitchy to you, she’s not worth the trouble. Plus, she can answer to me. But I want you to speak up for yourself and explain your concerns to her.”

“Ugh,” I said.

“Ask her about her real intentions for the weekend and let her know you’re nervous,” Seth said. “You don’t have to pour your heart out to her. God, how many times do I have to tell you not to jump too far ahead?”

“It doesn’t seem so far-fetched to me,” I said, kicking at rocks on the ground.

“Well, your worries are rarely rational either,” he said. “You need to learn how to find the middle ground.”

“Easier said than done,” I mumbled.

“Write her after dinner,” Seth said as we approached the entrance to our building. We’d only walked around the block but it was a big block.

“Fine,” I said. He raised his eyebrow at me. “I mean, yes, Sir.”

I did as I was told but chose my words carefully. I didn’t want to overstate my experience, nor did I want to sound disinterested or ungrateful. I didn’t really know what I wanted to say at all and asked Seth to look it over before I hit send. He refused and said I needed to decide for myself what I wanted to say. So my first message simply asked about her intentions and said I needed to plan if she wanted to continue anything in our hotel rooms.

“I have another reason for being nervous,” I told Seth. “I’ve never had a threesome.” I loved the idea. It sounded hot as hell and I’d had fantasies about them. But I knew the reality wouldn’t quite be the same and I didn’t want to do anything wrong or feel too awkward.

Seth smiled at me. “I think you can figure out how it’s done – it’s not that difficult.”

“Any tips?” I asked.

“For a threesome? No,” he said. “Maybe you should talk to your friends next door about that one.”
He was in the kitchen and I got up to be closer to him. This was not a time when a vague answer would satisfy me. “Haven’t you ever had one?”

He shook his head as he walked back toward the couch with a soda. “Nope. I’m just a computer nerd in Dom clothing, remember?”

I longed for a way to tell him how much more he was than that to me, but it still didn’t feel like the right time.

Instead, I followed him back into the living room and checked my messages. Chloe had written back and assured me that as much as she loved hotel sex, she hadn’t expected a threesome at the Festival. “I don’t want that man of yours to feel left out in the cold,” she wrote. Seth suggested we plan something for a weekend he was out of town. If I didn’t have to see him with Julie, he shouldn’t have to see me in the afterglow of new sex either. He was already planning on being gone the weekend after the Festival and I made a mental note to suggest the date to Chloe.
​
If I could work up the nerve. 

I fidgeted all morning but when lunchtime finally came, I found an empty office and started dialing, praying Christine would pick up. I couldn’t imagine a suitable voicemail message that would adequately convey what was going on. Hearing her voice again though only made me want to cry.

“Hey sis,” I said quietly.

“Oh my god!” she exclaimed. “What the hell? How are you?”

“I was doing pretty well until yesterday,” I said. I held the phone in one hand and rubbed my eyes with the other. It was the truth and if anyone was listening, it was ambiguous enough to apply to anything.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Nothing I can talk about yet,” I said. “But I need to know some things.”

“Okay, shoot” she said. “Just so you know though, I had some guy calling me looking for you.”
“That’s what I needed to know,” I said, loving that she could still read my mind. “Did he say who he was?”

“He said he was a friend and hadn’t been able to find you, that he was worried,” she said. “He wouldn’t tell me how he got my number though.”

“What did you tell him?” I asked.
“That I didn’t know where you were,” she said. “That last time I talked to you, you were all gaga over some guy you’d met on a dating site. I told him you were talking about running away with this guy, but I wasn’t even sure of his name. You know how flighty you are – always running off and doing this sort of thing.” She said this last bit with a laugh because we both knew it wasn’t true. I had never gotten into the whole internet dating scene nor would I trust someone I didn’t know blindly enough to do such a thing. But I knew Paul would have believed it.

“You are a godsend,” I said with a giant sigh of relief. “Did he buy it?”

“He seemed to,” she said. “And I haven’t heard from him since.”

“Can you go by my place sometime today? Just see what’s going on, if anything?” If there was police tape or other sort of presence at the building, I needed to know. Frightening as that possibility was, we needed to be ready to deal with it.

“Of course,” she said. “Anything you need, you know that. Are you in trouble? What happened to you? Where are you?”

I broke down. The one personI had always been able to count on was still there in unexpected and amazing ways. “I don’t know if I’m in trouble and I can’t tell you that yet,” I said. “I will call you again tomorrow though.”

I was a mess all afternoon, operating largely on autopilot and just hoping I didn’t screw anything up too badly. I got home and told Seth what I had found out. “I still doubt he’s actually involved the police,” he said. “Calling Christine was probably his only idea.   Her quick thinking may have saved the day.”

“She’s pretty amazing,” I said.

“Maybe I’ll get to meet her someday,” he said smiling. After dinner, Seth let me curl up next to him on the couch. I think we both needed each other’s comforting touch, romantic or not. We needed to be there for each other.

“This is all my fault,” I said quietly, gaining speed as I went. “I’m sorry – I know this is coming way too late and doesn’t begin to cover the magnitude. I know there’s nothing I can say to make up for all of it but – ”  

I looked up to find the kindest expression I’d seen yet on Seth. “You’re doing your part. You’ve been doing it,” he said. “This is not on you. This is all Paul.”

“But I started all this,” I protested. “If it weren’t for me –”

He put a hand to my lips. “Stop. You don’t need to convince me anymore.”

“But that’s what you really think, right?” I said. “You said it all the way to Nevada. And back. Now I can’t shake the fact that I set all this in motion.”   

Seth sighed heavily. “I’m not having this fight with you now. I was angry. Period. Not just at you.”
“It felt like it was all aimed at me,” I mumbled.

“Because you were there!” he shouted. “You were handy. Nothing more. But you didn’t make him steal the money. And you certainly didn’t make him run with it.”

“I thought you wanted me to take responsibility,” I said.

He shook his head. “I did – I still do. But there’s nothing else you can do now except let it go.”
I looked at him dubiously. “Have you let it go? Is this one of those I’m-over-it-so-you-should-be-too things?” He had to think on that one and was silent for a good minute before answering. “I’ve moved on. No, that’s not the same as being over it but I’m getting there.”

I approached my next question cautiously. “What does that mean for us?”

“It means I need to deal with him now. I’ve already dealt with you. Things are under control here,” he said.

His tone said that was the end of it. But I knew better. I knew the argument was only put on hold and would continue to resurface. The question was for how long. I had no control over that either. So I buried my head in his chest and counted the minutes, the hours, until I could call Christine back. It was an eternity. I loved hearing her voice but hated feeling like I was using her. I simply didn’t see an alternative. 
…
The next day was much of the same. I felt like I sleepwalked through the morning and returned to the same private office at lunch. “Me again,” I said when she answered.

“There’s nothing,” she said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

She explained that she had gone to the building and everything had looked normal from the outside. She got through the security door with someone else then snuck up to my apartment. “There’s a Notice of Sale sign on the door for next week but the door was unlocked,” she said. “It was pretty trashed inside, like someone was looking for something. Do you know what they could have been looking for, or the odds that they found it?”

“Did you see my phone or did they take that?” I asked.

“I didn’t see it,” she said. “Where would it have been?”

“Last time I saw it, it was on the dining room table,” I said. Left unsaid was that Paul had clearly found it and likely moved it. Worse, he might have taken it with him.
 
“I don’t know hon,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “You didn’t know to look for it. Did it look like anything was taken or missing?”
“It was kinda hard to tell,” she said. “And I left everything the way I found it.”

“Did you lock the door behind you?”

“No, I didn’t want there to be any sign that anyone had been there – should I have?” she asked. I had an idea then. I had no idea if it would matter, but I knew I would feel safer if Christine had the phone rather than Paul or the authorities.

“Can you go back and look closer, maybe check for the phone?” I asked. “I don’t know what he could have possibly taken, but I need more details if you can get them.”

“Are you coming back?” she asked.

“I have to go,” I said. “But has that guy called you anymore? Did he give you a name?”

“I haven’t heard from him and he called himself Paul,” she said.

“Perfect, thanks,” I said. “Oh, if you go back and the phone is there, could you take it with you? And lock the door?” She agreed. I hung up near tears again. There were so many “one more things” I wanted to tell her, so much I wanted to confess but there simply wasn’t time.

I didn’t know if it mattered who had my phone. Any other contacts in there would have less information than Christine did, and I didn’t keep addresses in my phone. Everyone I saw, or wanted to see, I knew where they lived. Or I looked up directions online when I needed to. But I didn’t like the thought of Paul harassing anyone, either. If Christine got it, no one would be able to prove that she did and as the door had been left unlocked, there was no reason some random person couldn’t have wandered in and taken a nearly new phone that was just sitting around.

That night, I was online when Christine updated her status to say, “Phone was lost but now is found.” I knew she had meant it for me. I hit “Like” and told Seth about it.

“I wish you would have talked to me before having her go back there,” he said. “Because if the place is up for sale now, it doesn’t really matter who has the phone.”

“I don’t understand why Paul didn’t just take it,” I said.

“Same reason I didn’t,” he said. “He didn’t want to be bothered with it. It would have to be reactivated at this point so why go to the trouble of someone tracing its signal and thinking he was you because he had it?”

“So there was no point in having her go back?” I asked.

Seth shrugged. “Not really, but it’s useful to know the place is finally being sold.”

I told him how surprised I was that anything was still there at all. “I thought it would have been cleared out months ago,” I said.

“In this economy, it can take at least six months for a mortgage company to move on an abandoned property,” he said. “It’s a lot of paperwork for them and they’re overworked as it is.”

I nodded. Apparently, I could have stopped paying altogether and had more time than I thought before getting kicked out. This didn’t make me feel any better about what I’d done and the mess we were now in. I just couldn’t get rid of the guilt. I hated how ineffective I felt, despite my efforts, and how little control I had over what happened next.

Suddenly our power exchange, our dynamic, felt more like role playing. I’d surrounded myself with others who played the same roles and we told ourselves it was more than just a game, that it was our lives. But in the end, what did it matter whether I was allowed on the furniture or the dishes were done at night, when our literal lives might be at stake? What was the point? Just because our rules were important to us didn’t mean they had any effect on the rest of the world. Life outside carried on no matter what.

Nothing mattered except getting Paul off our backs. And Christine’s.

“Will it ever feel like this is over?” I asked. It sounded melodramatic to my own ears but I also didn’t think I was overstating the potential danger to us.

“I think we will be looking over our shoulders for a while,” Seth said.

“Do you think he’d try to hurt Christine?”

“I suppose it’s possible that he’d figure out a way to get her address from her cell number, but I wouldn’t give him that much credit,” he said.

“As I recall, she uses a P.O. box as her mailing address anyway,” I answered.

“Then no, I don’t know how he could find her and he’s not the violent type anyway,” Seth said. “She also sounds like someone who can take care of herself.”

“She is,” I said.

“As long as she has the phone, she should leave it off completely, even if there’s no service to it anymore” he said. Crap. I hadn’t thought of that. I went back online and sent her a private message. “Don’t use the phone – it’s useless anyway.”

She wrote back a minute later. “It was destroyed in an accident.”

“Accident?? Are you okay?” I wrote back, trying to feign shock and concern though I was pretty sure there was no reason for either.

“Yep, just dropped it and accidentally ran over it with the truck. Just call me Grace.”

It was an old joke between us, a nickname her father had given her, but one that worked incredibly well here. If anyone ever saw the messages, there was nothing about them that would look unusual. “Just take care of you,” I wrote back.

“Always. And ditto,” she replied.

Weeks passed with no more word from Paul and nothing from Christine to indicate that she had heard from him again either.  But I couldn’t let it go.

I knew Paul was out there somewhere. He was out there, and he could be anywhere.  Further, he was looking for us. I felt like we were being hunted. I went to work but largely refused to go anywhere else. I went into hiding and searched Christine’s profile vigilantly for coded messages. She often went days without posting, however, and that always worried me.  But there was no other way to keep track of what was going on back home.
​
Needless to say, any plans I had hoped to make with Chloe and Justin were put on hold. Indefinitely.