The next month would be a busy one for us. I settled in at work and into a routine at home. We attended another party, and both signed up to volunteer in the future, me as a dungeon monitor and Seth at the door so one who wasn’t supposed to be there tried to get in. Apparently, the group’s leadership thought he looked dangerous for someone who worked in IT too.

I played with Chloe again, and left feeling just as satisfied as I had the first time. Seth’s air of mystique grew too. He was clearly partnered – we used the leash again and when he handed it over to Chloe, I thought I was going to melt – but no one had seen him play yet. Further, he continued to let me do most of the talking. I suspect people simply didn’t know how to take him.

By the end of the month, I had also agreed to help coordinate a monthly submissives munch. The person who had been doing it said she was hoping to pass it off soon, and I was eager to do my part. They met at various area restaurants and I figured it would be a fun way to continue learning about our new home too.

We also came out to Alex and Claire about where we’d been the night of our first party and they laughed. Seems they had tried the “whole leather scene” as they put it and couldn’t get into it. Neither of them had wanted to be tied up or spanked, and being voyeurs hadn’t been enough to keep them going back. They wished us luck and smiled. We pretended to be new as well and said we were still navigating all the terminology. At least part of that was true.

At home, Seth and I attempted to play more casually, but it would take time for him to improve. And my assumption that keeping my feelings in check with him proved to be correct. I had to wonder how long I could pretend I didn’t need more than play.

Shortly after our second party, I arrived home from work to find Seth wearing an unusual grin. I assumed he had discovered some new activity or protocol he wanted to try. “I have a surprise for you,” he said. “Chloe has requested your private services.”

“Private services?” I asked.

“She wants a threesome,” Seth said flatly. “Actually, I think she’d probably like to have both of us, but I’m not interested either of them like that.”

 “What did you tell her?” I asked as I dropped my purse onto the table next to him. I was shocked. Though I knew we had both enjoyed our scenes, I had had no idea she had that sort of interest in me.

“That we were still working out the boundaries of involving other people in our relationship and that I would get back to her,” he said. “What do you think?”

Mostly, I was still getting used to having people approach Seth instead of me for this sort of thing. I understood why it had happened, but it was a new experience for me. I was still processing it all when Seth’s phone went off.

I had worked late and, given that most of his calls came from businesses looking to hire him, we were both a little surprised at the noise. “What the fuck?” he said as he looked down at the caller ID and then at me. “You will never believe this.”

I looked at him questioningly but he only shooed me away as he answered the phone  and wandered off toward the hallway. I busied myself in the kitchen doing nothing in particular. “What the fuck could you want?” I heard him ask loudly. “My problem? Have you forgotten the last time we met?”

There was a long pause as he began pacing around the living room. After all, even if he had gone in a bedroom and closed a door, the place wasn’t big enough to keep me from overhearing altogether.  
“I will see you in hell before I tell you where I am,” he said sternly. “You may or may not take that as a threat … because you know I can find you, even in hell … if you try to contact me again, I will, and it will not go as smoothly as last time.”

My stomach sank as I realized who must be on the other end of that call. Why on earth would he be contacting us now?

“I haven’t talked to Dani in months ... No, I wouldn’t tell you if I did … believe whatever you like but you got nothing … you can’t prove a goddamn thing.”

Seth snapped his phone shut and threw it down on the couch as I poked my head out of the kitchen. “This is why I stay off the grid, doll,” he said as he looked up at me.

“What was that?” I asked hesitantly.

“That was Paul Reid,” Seth said. “You wondered if people noticed your absence … well, at least one person has. Seems he’s been trying to contact you. When he couldn’t reach your cell, or find you at home, he started alerting authorities to the fact that you were missing. So he says, at any rate. He thought I might know where you are and threatened to have them come after me to find you.”

“Why does he care about my welfare?” I asked.

“To get back at me – he acts like I screwed him over,” he said. Then added, “And don’t look so hurt. He might also care about you, but I wouldn’t count on it.”

My heart raced as I connected the dots and realized that if we were found out, our entire lives could unravel in seconds. “Can he find us?” I asked and instinctively backed into a corner of the kitchen.

“No,” he said as he approached me. “My other identity is on this lease. I still don’t have bank accounts and this phone still doesn’t have a GPS. He was grasping at straws – I think his whole ‘contacting the authorities’ line was a bluff too.”

“But he has to know that you’re not in Cleveland anymore,” I said.

“It’s a big country,” Seth said. “Eliminating Cleveland, Ohio isn’t actually eliminating much.”

“Point,” I said quietly. “I suppose even if he narrowed you down to New York City – or even Brooklyn – that wouldn’t necessarily do him a lot of good, right?”

He placed his hands on my shoulders. “If he somehow managed to tracked me to Brooklyn, he could hang around long enough to ‘accidentally run into me’ – or us. I don’t care if he finds me, but I don’t want him finding you, and I don’t want things to get as far as him coming to the city.”

“Does he know your secret identity?” I asked. I was trying to make it sound like a joke, like he was some sort of superhero, but neither of us laughed.

“No,” Seth said. “I never would have had a reason to tell him that.”

“What about your car?” I asked. “Whose name is it in?”

“My father’s,” he said. “I inherited it when his health started declining. He wouldn’t know where it is now, and I haven’t talked to him in years.”

“But it’ll be the same last name though?” I asked.

“It’s a common enough last name,” he said. “And I haven’t had to update my license or the plates yet. My license isn’t up for another year and a half and I might just go back to Ohio and do both at this rate.”

“Is it premature to think we might be in the clear?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, taking a step back. “There’s always the chance that something got missed but I honestly can’t imagine what. We need to be vigilant though. What I do – and have done – may be legal, but in the past, it has also been largely under the table. And what we did with your identity is most definitely not legal. I don’t want him coming around causing trouble for either of us.”

“But why would he want to get back in touch with me anyway?” I asked. “I still don’t get what he thinks he has on you.”

“He thinks he can make the case that I stole the money from him.  He’s wrong,” Seth said. He spoke confidently, but it was unclear who he was trying to convince.  

“So what took him so goddamn long anyway?” I asked as I walked away and collapsed on the couch. “We’ve been here what? Four or five months now?”

Seth shook his head. “I have no idea what goes on in that man’s head and his pathetic excuse for a brain. For all I know, it may have taken him this long to figure out you and I might be connected.”
At some point, I had managed to put my old apartment out of my mind. It had indeed been easier to not look back and not think too hard on what had become of both it and the rest of my possessions. But now I realized that if Paul got into my apartment, he would find my phone – and my best friend Christine was listed as the emergency contact. I was sure the service had long since been disconnected but the information in it would still be accessible.

“What if I contacted Christine to see what she knows and update her a little?” I asked hesitantly.

Seth considered this a minute. “It would be good to have a neutral third party he couldn’t track to here,” he said. “Just be careful. Either call her from a number that can’t be traced to you or disable caller ID on your end.”

I had called her early on with my new phone, but we hadn’t talked long, and I had only let her know that I was safe. No other details. I had also messaged her online using information only she would know. We had “friended” each other but not actually talked since. Her updates were just a way to keep up with her. And mine were a way of letting her know I was still alive.
​
I vowed to call her the next day and borrowed a coworker’s cell phone to do so. I almost wanted Seth to be around when I did, but I also felt like I had to take care of this myself. I needed to feel like I was doing something constructive. 

The following morning, I took longer than usual to get out of bed. My back still tingled where Chloe’s floggers had landed, and I couldn’t help basking in the feeling. It had been so long since I’d done anything like that, negotiated pick up play with someone new and simply had fun, I hardly knew how to handle it. I loved it, wanted more, and vowed that I would never let myself endure such a long dry spell again.
 
Eventually, my stomach won out though, and I padded out to start breakfast. I was so lost in the memories from the night before, I almost burnt the bacon. “I know you don’t want me taking over in here,” Seth said as he approached. “You alright?”
 
“I’m great,” I said, beaming. “I actually forgot how much fun that could be.”
 
“And you can do that? Walk away and maybe never see her again?” he asked.
 
“She seems to be a regular – I’m sure if we go back, we’ll see her again,” I said. I had already begun to look forward to when that might be.
 
“What if you weren’t so sure of that though?” he asked as he leaned against the counter. “Would you have the same attitude?”
 
A scene could be quite intimate for me, but I didn’t need that intimacy to go beyond the dungeon. We could be just two people sharing a moment. I’d always been able to approach play casually. Sometimes the seemingly simple act of experiencing the sensation was more important to me than who I was sharing it with. I did my best to explain this to him. “I mean, I have to like the person, but we don’t have to be best friends or lovers.”
 
“Is that something you’d like to do more of around here?” he asked. “I’ll admit I’m still struggling to understand the point but –”
 
I turned on him, spatula in hand, frustrated that we’d had the same conversation several times already. “It’s fun and it feels good alright? Otherwise –” Otherwise what? Just because I didn’t need most scenes to end in sex, I was pretty sure I couldn’t do casual with Seth.  Going back to my room alone afterwards just wouldn’t cut it anymore. Further, I didn’t have the strength to keep pushing the sex angle when I knew I would get shot down again.
 
“Casual with you might actually be weird now,” I said more calmly. “Especially if you’re not into it. I mean, obviously I’m not the only one who should have limits here.”
 
“I was surprised by the reactions coming from you,” he said, finally stepping past the doorway to stand next to me. “You didn’t even make those faces when I was fucking you.”
 
Was he actually jealous? Too fucking bad, I thought. Finding people who wanted to fuck me had been half the point of going out in public. Still, it seemed it was time to explain polyamory to him. I stared into the pan and pushed around the eggs I was trying to scramble.
 
“She just served a different need than you normally do. It was a different type of outlet. It’s actually not unusual in this community to have multiple play partners, multiple sex partners or even both.” 
 
“The way you looked at her made it seem like there was more to it, like maybe you wanted more than just play with her,” he said.
 
“Would that bother you?” I asked, looking up at him. “Because you’re already having sex with someone else. It’s only fair that I have the same chance.”
 
“Only if you would rather have that than what you have here,” he said.
 
“Nobody is replacing anyone here, Seth,” I said. We stared each other down until I had to return to the eggs or risk burning them as well.
 
“It happened awfully quickly is all,” he said.
 
“How long did you know Julie before you started fucking her?” I asked.
 
“Look, I don’t care what you do sexually – I want you to have a sex life – just don’t let it supersede this,” he said. He spread his arms to indicate the entire apartment then tapped the refrigerator. “You still have a contract here.”
 
“So do you,” I said. “And I guess –” I knew what I wanted to say and wasn’t at all sure he would take kindly to it.
 
“What?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
 
“You’re the one who likes to say you can’t promise forever,” I said meekly. “Maybe – maybe it goes both ways.”
 
He looked at me like he wanted to be angry and couldn’t. I had him. Later, I would think of this as the first time I’d won an argument with him.
…
What I discovered over breakfast was that our first party had been rather eye opening for Seth.  He’d seen things in person he’d only read about online, and other things he’d never heard of at all. None of it was completely new to me, but seeing some of it live was at least unusual. Seeing people leashed hadn’t been common back home. Neither had pony play or so much leather. While I’d been busy re-acclimating myself, he’d simply been trying to take it all in. 
 
“I overreacted earlier,” he admitted as we finished eating. “I didn’t know what most of that would look like, and I was unprepared.”
 
“It’s okay,” I said with a smile. “I know how overwhelming it can be. Believe me, we’ve all been there, and we all remember our first time in a place like that. Just know that I’m not trying to replace you here.”
 
“I believe that. But is that type of play typical for you?” he asked. “Is that the sort of thing you did before?”
 
“Sometimes,” I shrugged. It really was frustrating how often the answer still came down to “it depends.” There were simply too many variables to make a blanket statement about much of anything. “It depends on the night, what I’m in the mood for, who I’m playing with – a lot of things really.”
 
He nodded, still trying to understand. “What else might be on the menu then?”
 
Oh god. The list was long. Though not as long as some people I had known, the list was long enough that it would be difficult to paraphrase. I started with my absolute favorites. “Well, you already know how much I love rope and other bondage,” I started. The rest came out in a bit of a rush as if I might lose my nerve if I didn’t say it all at once.
 
 “It’s actually what got me started in all this,” I explained. “I’m not sure I’ve told you that. Rope is definitely preferred but cuffs, cages, anything restrictive works just as well.”
 
“What do you mean by how you got started?” he asked.
 
“When I first got out in the community, I just knew I wanted to be tied up. I’d wanted that ever since I could remember. That I was also a masochist came as a bit of a surprise to me.” He nodded in understanding and I continued. “Otherwise, knives are obviously big but anything sharp and pointy is fine – like Chloe’s nails. Except needles. I’m not a big fan of needles and sometimes they get lumped in there.  General impact play is always good. Flogging is okay but I generally prefer something thuddier – punching, or even household items like a mallet or meat tenderizer work really well. On the other hand, I can work up to stingy and have enjoyed a singletail whip or paddle – even bare-handed spanking. I just prefer to start with something else.”
 
It had been so long since I’d negotiated, really negotiated this many variables, that I had to pause and think about what had once been so commonplace. While Seth was still taking in what I had already said, I kept going.
 
“If I’m in public, I really like blindfolds because they help me focus and block out all the distractions. Obviously at home, they’re effective too. Gags are okay but I’ve never done as much with them and I’m actually not a big fan. Clamps – obviously clothespins are effective, but the little metal things that are actually intended to be nipple clamps are welcome too.” I paused one last time. “Anyway, that’s a good start of the basics.”
 
I had mentioned some of this in passing before, but not in a way that applied to us. Now, he actually had reason to pay attention and I could see him mentally taking notes on everything I told him. When he still didn’t say anything right away, I started to worry. “What? Too much information?” I asked. “Did I just scare you off?”
 
“No, not at all,” he said, still looking a little stunned. “But I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak so confidently and so much about any one thing until just now. You really should do it more often.”
 
Great. Now I was flustered. “Oh. I – well, I’ve been doing this long enough that a lot of that just comes automatically. You know, like riding a bike.”
 
“I know you can tell me if I do something you don’t want, but do you have a similar list of limits?” he asked. “Can you be as confident about that?”
 
Not anymore. Not now that there was so much obvious focus on me. Until now, we had been two people talking. Now there was pressure. I went for a laugh instead. “I get limits?” I asked. “I’m pretty sure your fellow, online doms would frown on that.”
 
“Then I promise to ignore at least one as punishment because you were foolish enough to believe I would respect them,” he said with a completely straight face. I giggled in response. “Out with it – consider it an order.”
 
Without thinking I started chewing on a fingernail as I thought about my list. He knocked my hand away. “Stop it.”
 
“It’s going to take more than that,” I countered. He raised an eyebrow but otherwise indicated I should go on. I crossed my arms in mock defiance.
 
Depending on who I had given this list to, it either felt too long or completely reasonable. A few arrogant tops and dominants had felt too limited. Most of the others felt I had given them plenty enough to work with. Very often, I played with people specifically because I had seen them do something that I wanted to try with them, like Chloe and her knives. Hard limits were less of an issue in those cases and came less naturally now. 
 
“First of all, there are soft and hard limits – you already know that distinction right?” He nodded. “So, there are things I would like to work up to or only want to do with certain people who I consider skilled. Needles are actually like that. Like I told Angel, I’m not a big fan but I haven’t done a lot with them either. I was never sure if it was that my top didn’t know what he was doing, or I was just that indifferent. Same with cutting. There is knife play – which is awesome – but I’ve never gotten into actual cutting and I was never sure I wanted to. It’s intriguing but, again, I would need someone who really knew what they were doing.”
 
“Fair enough,” he said and continued to look impressed. “Do you consider those soft limits then?”
 
“I suppose – they’re certainly situational, and I doubt you count as skilled in any of them,” I said. He nodded in agreement. “Then there are the limits that tend to be taken as givens, obvious even. I once heard someone sum them up by saying he would only play with adult living humans.” Seth laughed. “For me, the same really goes for all bodily fluids. Do I need to explain any of that further?”
 
Seth squinted his eyes and shook his head in the universal gesture that screamed ew. “No, that won’t be necessary.”
 
“Other stuff just isn’t my thing,” I continued. “For example, I’m never going to want to do animal play. There are people who get into it and are awesome at it and that’s great – like that woman last night who was a pony. But I don’t have any interest. Oh! I almost forgot. Electricity is completely out. There’s fun scary and there’s scary scary. For me, electricity is scary scary. I’m not sure where that comes from, but I’ve had several people try to talk me into it and it is not happening.”
 
Seth looked oddly relieved. “Is that it?”
 
Suddenly sure I had forgotten something, I thought hard about the more common activities and realized I really had covered the issues I felt most strongly about. “Yeah – were you expecting more than that?”
 
“I expected an argument,” he said with a smile. “I expected you to say something I wanted to do or was interested in trying, and you didn’t. I do want to know why you never mentioned knives to me before though.”
 
I laughed nervously, and flashed back to the night he’d shown up at my old apartment. “It’s a little hard to associate you with fun knife play,” I said. “Like I told you in  your kitchen back home, there were a lot of things like that.”
 
He raised both eyebrows as if he had just then put together all the dots. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes before I needed to something – anything – to change the subject. “What about you? Was there anything you saw last night that you suddenly want to try?”
 
“I don’t know,” he said thoughtfully. “More like I finally saw that people could enjoy these things for the sake of having fun. Nobody was being punished or humiliated – unless they wanted to be. It was very enlightening.”
 
“I tried to tell you,” I said gently.
 
“I needed to see it for myself,” he said. “And that’s why I’m glad we went. Maybe we don’t have to be all business all the time around here . You can still play with other people, but I am rethinking what I might want too. I’m not sure how it’s going to play out yet though.”
 
“Okay, I just – well, I don’t want you to think I’ve been disappointed here,” I said. “I mean, we’ve done plenty of stuff. Just because we don’t call it play or whatever doesn’t mean it hasn’t been fun a lot of the time.”
 
“I appreciate that, but there’s nothing wrong with branching out a little right?” he asked.
 
“Explore away,” I said, a little surprised but also relieved that so much had finally clicked for him.
 
“Do you still prefer ‘stop’ as a safeword?” he asked.
 
“Honestly, I’d rather use real words,” I said. “Stop is good, but if something is really wrong, I’d rather say what it is than make you try to figure out what red or yellow means. And we can always talk after individual scenes about what was good and what wasn’t or what certain reactions meant.”
 
“Fair enough,” he said chuckling.
 
In the end, he agreed to experiment with different types of casual play, and I agreed to be patient with him as he did so.  But mostly, I loved that we could have such conversations and be so honest with each other. I even found myself turned on at the open communication. Who knew the simple act of talking could be so sexy? 

Our “public protocols” didn’t amount to much. I would be leashed to him for as long as it was feasible or until one of us grew bored of it. I probably wouldn’t have to kneel, but I was to avoid whatever furniture might be there and keep my hands behind my back when we were together.  

Other protocols we’d both seen – speech and eye limitations for example – were thrown out. “Maybe someday I will worry about whether you are allowed to look me in the eye,” Seth said. “But today is not that day, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be that pretentious. You’re already more outgoing than me, so making you stay quiet at the first party doesn’t sound like a good idea either.”

“I’ll admit to being curious about those types of protocols,” I said. “But yeah, maybe not on the first night.”

Seth wore his new pants with a dress shirt. I wore a long skirt that covered part of my sexy new boots, and my new corset over a black flowy blouse. I had found the skirt cheaply, figuring at the very least, I could wear it to the office Christmas party. The length of the skirt and the solid color of the outfit accentuated my height and even I appreciated the effect. But it was nothing compared to Seth in his new leather pants. “I’ll be in my bunk,” I said when I saw him, and started to head back to my room.

He grabbed my arm. “Get back here. There’s time for that later.”

God how I wished he would come with me … just once.

When we arrived, the space was already buzzing with people and loud music. I immediately spotted a couple of friendly faces from the munch and started to gravitate towards them, but Seth pulled me back. “First things first, babe,” he said. Then he placed the collar on me and attached the matching leash. “Hands behind your back. Remember?”

“Yes, Sir,” I said as I got into position.

I had never been leashed for this long and not in public. The effect was every bit as unnerving as I had expected. The snugness made me feel a bit trapped. I had no trouble breathing, but it was impossible to not be aware of its presence. Maybe we should have done more to break in the leather before the big event, I thought.   

If I genuinely started to panic, I promised myself I would tell Seth. Until then, I tried to give myself time to adjust. Because the collar and leash also served to vastly change my focus and I enjoyed the feeling. I couldn’t help but be aware of where Seth was, where he was going, and what he was doing. The secondary effect was that I also stopped worrying about whether other people were watching us and what they thought.

When we did stop moving, I found the scenery rather awe inspiring. Though familiar in nature, I was struck by how sexy everyone looked. Most people were in some type of leather, from vests and pants to bustiers and thongs. A couple of others were on leashes as well. Some were in costumes, including one woman in full-blown horse regalia complete with a bit in her mouth and hooves on her hands. Even her boots were made to resemble hooves, forcing her to walk on her toes. I couldn’t imagine how she did it. Others were simply in formal attire. I certainly wasn’t the only woman in something resembling a cocktail dress.

We walked over to a woman named Chloe, who we had met at the munch. She was a plus-sized dominant decked out completely in leather. This included a halter top with a plunging neckline that barely contained her cleavage, pants, and knee-high boots. Her boy, Justin, was dressed similarly in leather pants and boots with a chest harness. He wore a thick collar similar to my own but no leash. Still, his body language and the way he stood next to her told everyone in the vicinity that he belonged to her. Chloe and Seth compared notes and found they had shopped at the same store.

Chloe looked me up and down approvingly. “I thought she looked hot before, but this is gorgeous. May I touch her?” she asked Seth. “I just love the feel of a corseted woman though I generally prefer a little more skin.” She winked at me and I smiled. For my first party, I had admittedly gone more conservative than I would have at home but had assumed the corset – not to mention the leash – made up for it.

“Go ahead,” Seth said.

As she ran her hands over my waist and hips, I wanted to touch her in return, react in some way, but I had no idea what the proper etiquette was here. Instead, I concentrated on standing still though I did smile and squirm a little at her touch. “Aww, she blushes too,” Chloe said, practically purring. “How sweet. Would you mind if I borrowed her sometime? Maybe later tonight?”

“Perhaps,” Seth said. “We haven’t really explored playing with other people.”

In the “real world” I hated being talked about like I wasn’t there. I felt ignored if someone at work went in and asked my boss about having me do something without coming to me. But it was different here. Here, the objectification was glorious and almost expected. Where I would have been awkward on my own, stammering for a response at such attention, now I didn’t have to worry about what to say. I could leave that to Seth.

I felt as sexy as I ever had. Before leaving the scene back home, I had just started to accept myself as an attractive woman despite my size. Self-esteem had been an issue for me my whole life, but I had met people who not only accepted women my size but celebrated them. I felt appreciated because of my curves.

Just like home, there were women here of all sizes and ages. Their confidence and attitudes were at least as attractive as their physical attributes. I tried to mirror them and remember the sense of acceptance I had once felt.

“Angel, come here and meet our newest couple,” Chloe called over her shoulder. An older woman a few feet away was getting coffee, but turned at the sound. Angel was dressed like an old-fashioned, uptight school marm in a long gray skirt and button-up blouse in low Mary Jane heels. Her gray hair was up in a tight bun and she carried a yardstick.

“How delightful,” Angel said as she extended her hand to greet Seth. I was surprised by her southern accent but tried not to show it. “And this is your slave girl?”

“Yes,” Seth said.

I couldn’t contain my look of surprise this time. We’d never used that word, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it now.

“Is she aware of that?” Angel asked. They all laughed. I blushed again.

“It’s our first time out in public together,” Seth explained.

“Well, Angel is not only our local headmistress but is wicked with needles,” Chloe explained.

I grimaced a little. Needle play was something I had tried once but not enjoyed. I could watch other people do it, but it was not a sensation I was interested in exploring right away.

Angel put her coffee down and started tapping her own palm with her ruler. “You don’t approve?” she asked me. Approve came out in three syllables.

“I wouldn’t say that,” I said, stammering. “They’re just … well, they’re just not my thing.”

Angel smiled sweetly. “Don’t worry dear,” she said as she put a hand on my shoulder. “I’d rather use them on him anyway.” She winked as she gestured toward Seth. It was his turn to blush. “With his consent, of course,” she added, laughing.

“She turns men’s balls into pincushions,” Chloe said. “But don’t let her scare you. She usually asks permission first.”

“And what is your specialty?” Seth asked Chloe, clearly eager to change the subject.

“I prefer knives myself,” Chloe said. “But anything with a sharp point will do.” She curled up her fingers so we could see her nails which she had sharpened to points and were painted blood red.

Oh god. If there was anything I enjoyed as much as bondage, it was knife play. How had I missed making that suggestion to Seth earlier? I tried the line that had worked for me in the recent past. “I’ll be in my bunk,” I said as I playfully tried to sneak away.

“Oh no you don’t,” Seth said, pulling me back with a small chuckle. The ladies joined in the amusement. “I have to admit that knives are not something I’ve used for fun before. You may get to borrow her yet,” he told Chloe.

“Look around,” Chloe said. “Get to know the place and maybe we’ll hook up again later.” As she walked away, she winked at me again. I giggled like I was 12 and had just gained favor from one of the popular kids.

Seth looked down at me. “You are redder than her nails,” he said.

“You haven’t seen me squirm until you’ve seen me bottom to a knife,” I said without thinking.

He pulled the leash closer to him and leaned down so he was growling in my ear. “You forget – I have seen you squirm under a knife,” he said. “And I could do it again.”

My knees nearly buckled. Seth helped steady me but laughed wickedly.

We spent most of the rest of the night mingling and watching other people play. I also looked over a sign-up sheet for volunteers. They needed dungeon monitors, people to watch over the players and make sure everyone was playing safely and within the rules of the club. I decided to wait until I knew the club better before trying that one.

But there were other opportunities as well. They asked for people who could plan munches and other get togethers, people who could assist with setup during educational nights, and others to assist the board in a variety of duties. I made a mental note to talk to someone about how I could help.

I also watched Chloe with her boy Justin. I was envious and my desire to be under her knife grew. But if I played around, I knew that meant that Seth might want to as well. I worried about how I would handle that, but put the thought aside. 

My heart raced as I spotted a presenter I had met in Cleveland once, one who had been particularly impressed at both the size of our setup and the quality of its equipment. She’d had a stereotypically New York accent and I’d loved listening to her during her class. Though she was many feet away, I could hear it faintly now as it carried easily over the din. We’d talked briefly before about the differences between Cleveland and New York, and I doubted she would remember me, but I decided to keep a safe distance anyway.

As we stood and watched a naked woman receive a severe whipping, Seth leaned down again and smiled at me. “I’m glad we came,” he said.

I smiled back, but I had an overwhelming urge to kiss him. Good thing Chloe picked that moment to make her return. She was practically glowing already but was clearly ready for more. “Would it be alright if my sharp pointy things borrowed your girl?” she asked Seth.

“She’d be delighted,” Seth said. “Wouldn’t you, doll?”

Yes, yes I would, I thought. Seth released me from his immediate control and Chloe and I spoke briefly about what we each wanted and what to expect. No, I didn’t have any medical conditions that she needed to know about. No, I didn’t mind marks. I welcomed them in fact. Seth was indifferent. No, I didn’t mind being mostly nude. Seth was indifferent to that too. Yes, I wanted to avoid blood. Yes, I enjoyed being bound. The squirming would be involuntary though, I warned. My back reacted with a mind of its own when a blade slid across it. She grinned and said she would keep it in mind and go easy on me. But just this once, while she got to know me.

When we had finished negotiating, Chloe led me to a St. Andrews cross in the middle of the room. “Do you mind standing?” she asked. “This seems to be about the only thing that’s open right now.” She gestured around to indicate people at all the other stations. It was fine. Almost anything would have been.

Instead of a traditional blindfold, she draped a scarf around my face, pulling it tighter around my eyes than everywhere else. It was opaque enough that I could only see vague shapes through it and thin enough that I could still breathe easily. She then placed wrist cuffs on me and attached them to D-rings at the top of the cross.

Once I was properly secured, she proceeded to warm up my back, first with a light, fur flogger and then a pair of heavy leather floggers that landed with a thud.

Back in Cleveland. I had once overheard a woman compare a good flogging to a good massage. I’d thought she was crazy. Over time, however, I’d come to understand. This was the type of flogging she’d been talking about.

Chloe stopped and stepped closer to run her hands up and down my back and feel the warmth radiating off of me. I could already feel the tips of the metal claws she’d placed on her fingers as she did so. My whole body tensed as I braced myself for the sharpness I was sure was coming. It didn’t. Not right away. Instead, she simply ran the claws lightly around my back, and down my butt and upper thighs. She barely touched me and the effect after such a heavy flogging was completely unnerving. I clung to the sides of the cross in order to not go completely limp.

She pressed up against me, her claws playing around my hips and upper thighs. “Do you know why I enjoy playing with knives?” she purred. “It’s the intimacy. I can get up close and personal. I can hear every gasp, every moan, and every whimper. I can watch the little twitches of your body as it reacts to me.”

She moved a hand up to my neck and then into my hair. Her other arm went around my waist and played around my breasts and stomach. It tickled and the resulting giggle was involuntary. She grabbed my hair harder and cackled lowly in my ear as her other hand continued across my upper back and up my arms.

And that was the entire scene. I had expected more but the harder stuff would come later. As she released me from the cross, I realized I could barely stand. Chloe eased me to the floor and sat with me for a few minutes while I recovered from the intensity. “Well, I feel better,” she said. “How about you?”

I felt lethargic and utterly relaxed but not tired. Instead, when she removed the blindfold, I felt almost hyperaware of my surroundings and what was going on in the other scenes. I simply felt no motivation to move from the exact spot I had landed in. I’d never felt that way before and was at a loss as to how to describe it. “Drained,” I said finally. “I feel drained.”

Chloe just smiled and rubbed my back.
…
Later, Seth and I arrived home at the same time Alex and Claire were getting back from their night out. They’d celebrated their three-year anniversary with a nice dinner followed by a strip club where they’d become engaged. They planned to take advantage of new legislation in New York that would make their marriage legal.

Claire had proposed with a simple silver band that had parallel grooves running through the middle and a single diamond in front. The place had been spur of the moment, Claire said, but she’d had the band for more than a month, just waiting for the right opportunity.

They were both tipsy and Alex was caught up in showing off the ring until they finally looked us up and down. They were clearly a little surprised by our ensembles and I was glad I had taken off the formal collar. They smiled a little and said nothing more than good night wishes as they went inside, but I suspected we would have some explaining to do later. 

------

This was another bittersweet chapter for me to re-read. There are characters here who were very much based on people I felt close to at the time. Others are more of an amalgam. Regardless, I thought I was paying tribute to the community that had nurtured me. Who needed creativity when all one had to do was look around at the colorful people around? 

My new necklace was a hit at the office. But I couldn’t explain to anyone there what the true significance was. I smiled and simply said it was a gift from my partner.

A couple of the older women looked at each other knowingly and asked how long before I was sporting a ring on my finger as well. I assured them I wouldn’t be, but they just smiled as if they knew better. I tried not to let them affect me or see how sad their statements really made me. Though I didn’t actually want a ring, physical affection would be far more welcome than more jewelry.

Not surprisingly, I couldn’t wait to show it off at a munch or play party, where people would actually understand. Luckily, a monthly munch was held near us and soon.

Seth was simply pleased it was in Brooklyn. He had quickly become a Brooklyn snob and felt if he couldn’t find it there, it wasn’t worth “going into the City” for. He despised the crowds and became fed up with them far more quickly than I did.

“Why do they call it a munch anyway?” Seth asked.

“I’m honestly not sure,” I answered. “I never was clear on that.”

Apparently, it didn’t matter. Two days later we were sitting in the private room of a high-end pizza joint that we’d wanted to try but hadn’t had a chance to. We introduced ourselves and I stayed as vague as I could about our past, saying that I was not new to the scene, just the area.

I brought up previous experiences and concentrated on not mentioning a specific place. I got compliments on my collar and it was indeed a relief to be able to have it recognized as such. I loved being around people who I didn’t have to hide myself from – not everything, that is.  It was incredibly liberating and exactly what I needed. Seth seemed to enjoy himself too though he was a little less outgoing.

The munch was well attended, and we were encouraged to attend parties and other events around the city. Of course, many people had their own opinions of some that weren’t always favorable, but I was used to that. Compared to some of the infighting and arguments I’d seen and heard about back home, this was mild. Seth still thought they were too catty, and I tried to explain some of what had gone on in other big cities and how lucky Cleveland had been.

“I would say it was a Midwestern thing,” I told Seth. “But I know other Midwestern cities that practically had wars, so who knows why things worked so well in Cleveland of all places.”
There’d been three dungeons within an hour of me, and I’d found a home at one of them due more to its proximity than problems with anyone at the others. In fact, I’d been impressed that everyone had gotten along as well as they had but had no illusions that the community would be that polite in New York City.

Seth wasn’t convinced that we wouldn’t be walking into a landmine if we went to a party but agreed to give it a try. The next one was a couple weeks away and I immediately went into planning mode about what to wear and whether I needed new shoes. I’d had such fun boots back home. Now all I had were boring, sensible shoes I could wear to work. Nothing seemed suitable for kinky fun.

Seth gave me a budget on shoes and said if I could find something in that range, I could get them. That Friday after work, I headed out to a second-hand store and found a pair of red, knee-high snakeskin boots that just happened to be in my size. I snatched them up and remained far under budget.

In the meantime, I tried on my old corset. It had been so long since I’d worn it, I wasn’t sure it would still fit. I had only brought it because it didn’t take up much room, and I had paid too much for it to have it go to waste.

To my surprise, it fit better than ever and completely closed in the back. In fact, now that I was walking so much around the city – and running to catch subway trains – all of my clothes fit differently. I was wearing smaller sizes than I had in years.   More importantly, I felt healthier too.
If Seth noticed a change in my body, he didn’t mention it Maybe that was for the best. He would soon have his own issues deciding on a wardrobe

This would be my first ever party that had a dress code. But although I thought the idea was fun and quickly got into the spirit of the evening, Seth balked. “Why should I have to dress up?” he asked.

“It’s a leather event,” I said. “They tend to be a little more high protocol. Pretend you’re going to a business meeting. Otherwise, you could always wear a kilt. I’m sure no one would mind that.”
Seth glared at me. “I should punish you just for making the suggestion,” he said.

“Oh, come on – they’re very trendy and I like a man in a kilt,” I said. I was trying to flirt but he was having none of it. “Maybe you’d prefer leather pants instead?”

“Bite your tongue,” he said. “Do you want to be taking cold showers for the next few days?” Good lord, he was serious. I let it go.

He bitched so much in the days between the munch and the party that I nearly told him to forget it, that we would wait for something else. But I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity either. If he passed on this, he might never agree to another party, and I was eager to meet more people and get back involved. 

When he wasn’t bitching, we talked about whether we wanted to play publicly. I thought back to how casual my scenes had once been and reminisced about some of my favorites with Seth, just to give him ideas. Because while he and I had done what could be called play, there was almost always a purpose, even if it wasn’t punishment or correction. Sometimes we simply let out some frustrations or one of us spotted something online and wanted to try it. It was often also fun, but that was rarely the intended purpose.

But there was nothing that actually appealed to both of us. The rope scenes I described were either too complicated or too decorative for his tastes. Even some of the impact scenes included equipment or expertise we didn’t have. Whips had once been a favorite of mine but neither of us owned one.

“I doubt anyone will care if we don’t play,” I said. “They’ll probably just see us as shy newbies. It happens all the time.” I was trying to be reassuring. I felt like Seth was on thin ice about going as it was. If he felt pressured to do something he was even more uncomfortable with, he might refuse to go at all.

“I have an idea,” he said finally. Of course he did. I didn’t know whether to be intrigued or terrified, but I did know better than to ask.

When I got home from work the next day, I found he had gone shopping and bought leather pants for himself. I couldn’t believe it. “Seriously? After the hard time you gave me?” I asked.

“Once I tried them on, I liked how they felt,” he said about the pants. “I actually entertained the idea of chaps but I have my limits.  I’m not a cowboy.”

“You don’t have to be,” I said. “I used to know a couple people who wore them all the time, including one skinny older dude who refused to wear anything underneath.” Seth shook his head incredulously.

“Anyway, I noticed that a lot of people have different protocols for home vs. public vs. parties and I started thinking,” he said and nodded toward the dining room table. “I decided if they want high protocol, we’ll give them high protocol.”

There sat a plain, black plastic bag, empty of its previous contents. Next to it was a leather collar – not tall enough to be considered a posture collar, but formidable nonetheless – and a black leash.
Now, I have always maintained – and always will maintain – that kink does not have to be sexual for me. It can be, but I’d bottomed to plenty of people I hadn’t slept with. Play could elicit a wide range of emotions, from simple enjoyment to intense catharsis.

But a well-built man in leather was never going to be anything but sexual for me. And a well-built man in leather leading me around by a leash was likely to leave me in a puddle.

What Seth saw, however, was me transfixed, my mouth agape at the display. “You hate it,” he said.
“No, I – I really don’t,” I replied.

“Oh right,” he said with a wink. “You like tight things around your neck. Let’s try it on you.”

“Sure,” I muttered, and followed him to the dining room.

The leather was softer, more flexible than it looked, and it encased my neck perfectly. “I resisted the one that locked on,” Seth told me.

“I admire your restraint,” I replied.

He clipped the leash onto an O-ring in front. “Is that right?” he asked and tugged me closer to him.
I swallowed hard and wondered if he was aware of how pliable I was in that moment. How far he could have taken me, both mentally and physically. How much of that was written all over my face?

Apparently, he saw none of that. “Want to keep this on a while?” he asked. “Get used to it?”
“Sure,” I replied.

Seth pulled me closer to him. “Excuse me – what’s all this ‘sure’ business?”

 “Sorry,” I said, shaking my head. “Yes, Sir.”

Finally, he seemed to see me, and searched my eyes. “You really are easy, aren’t you? Are you spacing out on me already?”

I had explained a little about subspace to him – that sort of floaty feeling that felt like being high or drunk. It hit me hardest during bondage and, yes, I was feeling it. “Kinda,” I smiled.

“Would it help to stay in it or will that only make it worse?” he asked.

What would help is if you fucked me, I thought. “Um, I can leave it on for a while,” I said. “But if our neighbors show up, you’re answering the door.”

“Deal,” he grinned.

-----

Not too many changes from the original chapter. What struck me more in re-reading this was the changes to real life. There really did used to be three dungeon spaces within an hour of me and there really was cooperation between the groups. Now, two of those spaces no longer exist and the new one that has sprung up since was the result of a pretty big scizm. 

It actually feels naive to read this now. I'm sure there were problems I wasn't aware of, petty differences and annoyances. I'm glad I was kept out of it for a while though. I needed to believe I had found the community of my dreams.