Thick, heavy clouds warned of an impending storm from the distant desert. But I preferred to think of them as an ominous symbol of Seth’s arrival. If this had been a western, there would have been an organ playing and maybe a slow drum keeping time with our movements.
 
Seth seemed to know his way around, especially the hotels, and I remembered him telling me once that he had lived here for a time before moving to Cleveland. We drove by the one where we thought Paul was staying, though of course there was no sign of him from the outside.
 
The movie scene that played out in my head, however, involved us spotting him in the crowd or crossing the street while we stopped for the light. It was easy to imagine Seth running after him or hitting him with the car but none of that came to pass. I imagined that when the real scene happened, it would be far more subtle, and I found I actually looked forward to watching it play out.
 
We drove around a bit, seemingly on the off chance that just such a scenario would reveal itself, but it didn’t. When Seth stopped, it was at a smaller hotel than the big flashy casinos but still nicer than I was used to. He said he had stayed there before, and they accepted cash. He parked and this time we went in together. I hadn’t stretched my legs since Salt Lake City, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to get out of a car in my life.
 
When we got to our room, I flopped on my bed thinking I would fall asleep immediately. Instead, I was restless. Seth said he was going to call Nat again and try to nap, and that I could go downstairs and find the hotel’s free computer room.
 
“No Facebook and no email though,” he reminded me. I barely heard him. Finally, I thought and tried not to sprint out of the room.
 
None of my emails were particularly interesting, except one from a friend I regularly corresponded with wishing me a “Happy Friday.” I deleted it along with the other advertisements and my spam folder.
 
Yes, I did exactly what he told me not to do. But I was in and out quickly, and signs on the computers promised their server was secure. To balance things out, I opted to check a couple of my favorite news sites, just to see what the rest of the world was up to. But it was the same old political fights, another unfortunate school shooting, and boring celebrity news.
 
When I was done, I glanced around for Seth. The bank of computers faced a long window and I could see people coming and going from the lobby. Seth didn’t seem to be anywhere around, and I decided to venture onto Facebook. I immediately turned off the location finder and was determined not to “like” anything or comment anywhere. I just needed some semblance of contact with people I knew. I suddenly needed to see their silly cat photos, pictures of what they were eating for dinner, and work updates. Nothing significant had changed in the past two days but just the sight of that little blue rectangle with the white lettering was comforting.
 
I got so lost in the normalcy that I somehow missed Seth’s entrance.
 
“Anything interesting out there?” he asked, sounding genuinely curious. There were a couple of other people in the room, so I knew he was trying to cover his anger. He did a damn fine job of it too. He very nearly convinced me.
 
“Not really,” I said as I quickly closed the browser. This was going to be worse than getting caught at work, I thought.
 
“Good – we should get going,” he said.
 
“Oh right, what time is that show again?” I asked as we walked out of the room.
 
Seth didn’t answer me, even in the elevator, but his grip on my arm as we marched down the hall to our room grew steadily tighter. Once inside, he pressed me against the door with his body. “Who did you contact?” he asked.
 
“Wh – what? What are you talking about?” I asked.
 
He spoke more slowly, but the menace in the words only grew. “Who did you alert to our presence here?”
 
“No – nobody, I swear,” I told him. “That never even crossed my mind.”
 
Seth arched an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”
 
“Of course I’m sure!” I exclaimed. “I didn’t talk to anyone, I didn’t rat you out. I’ll take you back down there so you can see for yourself if you want!”
 
He stalked away with one of his mirthless chuckles. “I didn’t want you on there. What makes you think I want to follow suit?”
 
“Contrary to popular belief, I’m not trying to get away from you,” I called out as I followed him. “If I were, I would have done it in Cleveland! Not in the middle of the fucking desert 2,000 miles from home!”
 
“Fuck it, I can’t deal with this right now,” he muttered.
 
I started to back away, but Seth grasped my wrist and pulled me to him. I hadn’t seen him grab the handcuffs, but I felt it as one locked around my wrist. He used it to push me to the floor and the nearest leg of my bed. “You don’t have to do this,” I whimpered.
 
Seth finished securing me to the bed then hunched down in front of me balancing on his ankles. “Evidently, I do. You keep making promises you have no intention of keeping.”
 
He moved away while I shifted as much as I was able to get more comfortable. “Goddammit!” I called out to no one in particular.
 
Spotting my movements when he returned, he said, “Your comfort is not my priority right now, babe. Now, I’m going to go look for Paul alone while you stay here.”  
 
“Hey, you can’t leave me–”
 
“Wanna bet?” he snapped. He’d brought rope back with him and began tying my ankles and then my shins together. “You do not want to underestimate me again. You’re lucky that all I’m going to do is make sure you don’t leave the room while I’m gone.”
 
“Please don’t do this, Seth,” I pleaded. “I can be good – I swear.”
 
“So you’ve said,” he said. “But you have yet to prove it for more than five minutes at a time.”
 
“Please…” I cried. I couldn’t imagine staying bound on the floor all night – even a couple of hours sounded dreadful. I started to panic and fought the restraints as much as I could.
 
“Where is that little button,” he asked kneeling closer to my hands. “Ah, there it is. I actually don’t want you tightening these up too much while I’m not here.”
 
“Now is a hell of a time to start caring!” I was yelling again. It was my only outlet. Meanwhile, Seth continued to move calmly around the room.
 
“There is a big difference between being uncomfortable and doing real harm to yourself,” he said. “I am trying to prevent the latter.”
 
“How merciful of you,” I spat out.
 
“You really have no idea,” he said as he ripped off a length of duct tape and put it over my mouth. I groaned and fought but it was just wasted effort. I watched him change clothes, turn off the light and walk out the door. Sitting there, alone in the dark with nothing to do but wait, I just prayed he made it back safely.
 
I couldn’t see the clock from where I sat, but when Seth finally returned, the sun was just beginning to lighten the windows in front of me. Sleep had come to me in short bursts, but I had never been able to get very comfortable.
 
Seth’s face told me it had been an unproductive night for him, but he released me without a word. I didn’t even bother to get undressed – just crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep. I don’t think Seth heard a thing.
 
I woke up later in the morning much the same way I had the past two days – Seth shaking me into a state of confusion, still wondering how this was going to end and what my role would ultimately be. My eyes were bloodshot and puffy from the night before but neither of us acknowledged it.
 
Instead, he sent me off to go the bathroom, but was waiting with handcuffs again when I exited. This time, he attached me to one of the rolling office chairs by the table. “What the actual fuck!” I screeched.
 
Seth sat down across from me on the bed and folded his hands in his lap. Once again, I was stunned at his casual manner because I was seething. “Apparently I can’t get anything approximating the truth out of you without handcuffing you to something,” he said. “And we need to have another little chat.”
 
“About what?” I asked.
 
“About what got into your head last night,” he replied.
 
“You mean while I was chained up here in the dark with no clue when you were coming back!” I yelled. I even rattled the chain for effect. Just in case he wasn’t aware how annoying this was all getting for me.
 
Seth released a slow breath out through his nose. “I mean, why you considered my directions – my explicit directions – to be optional.”
 
“I was thinking that I needed some contact with the outside damn world,” I retorted. “And you promised I could have it!”
 
“Because I thought I could trust you, Dani,” he said. “Because I meant it when I told you that if you did what I said, we would be square. I thought we could actually work together as partners. How wrong was I?”
 
“I was just reading, I swear,” I said. “I was frustrated, you know. I needed an escape. You are not the only one around here who’s allowed to be angry!”
 
“You want to be angry with someone, be angry at yourself,” he said and pointed at the chain connecting me to the chair. “Because once again, you’ve done this to yourself. And you can do it on your own goddamn time. Because I do not have the patience for this right now. I have a criminal to catch. I’d rather not have to keep track of a second one who can’t be bothered to listen when I say I know what I’m talking about when it comes to computers.”
 
It had been a stupid mistake. I knew that now. What was less clear was whether admitting that would actually help. “If I told you I really did believe you, that I know what I did was wrong, would you let me out of this?”
 
Seth ran a hand over his face then crossed his arms. “Why should I believe anything out of that mouth right now?” he asked. “You knew my rules. You knew why I made them. And you still showed a blatant disregard for everything I said. Having said that, I could use your help today.”
 
“How?” I asked hopefully.
 
“This is the deal, sweetheart,” he said. “And believe me when I say this is your final chance. Defy me again, and I will leave you, in this room for the maids to find you, with nothing. No cash, no credit cards, no debit card, and no phone. If you’re lucky, I’ll leave your ID. Is that clear enough?”
 
I nodded slowly, too much in shock to say much. “Yeah,” I said. It came out as a near whisper
.
Seth stood and towered over me as he removed the handcuff key from his pocket. “I know you can do better than that,” he said.
 
Do not ask me where the courage for this next line came from. All I knew was that I couldn’t bring myself to call him by anything but his name. “Titles are for people I respect, not people I fear,” I said shakily.
 
Seth chuckled and gave a resigned shrug. “I’ll take what I can get,” he said and held up the key. “But first, I need to hear it. I need a promise that you will be my extra set of eyes today. That you will not try to signal him – or anyone else – and that you will do what I say this time.”
 
“I – I promise,” I told him.
 
“Or what?” He motioned as if beckoning me from across the room. “I need to know you understand me.”
 
“Or – or – ” I swallowed hard. I didn’t like thinking about his threat, much less voicing it. “You’ll abandon me here. With nothing.”
 
Seth unlocked the cuffs. “Go shower. Quickly,” he said then glanced down at my wrists. “And wear something that will cover those.”
 
The red marks were prominent now. They would be difficult to hide or explain away. I grabbed the next sweater from my suitcase and rushed to get away from him.   
…
Not a lot of changes here, aside from the morning-after conversation. I added it largely because I very much wanted to eliminate this entire scene. They were getting along so well, things were smoothing out. At this point, I don't think she would defy him in this way. Unfortunately, the incident comes up in no less than three subsequent books, in quite significant ways. 

So it stayed. 

The result then had to be more than a simple handcuffing. She had to know there could be ongoing consequences. She'd had plenty of chances, and there was no way Seth was going to continue to give them to her. 

Otherwise, I enjoy the taking down of one Paul Reid. There is so much left to the imagination and yet we know exactly the sort of things Seth must have said to him. In fact, I've written that short story. It was one of the first times I wrote from Seth's POV. Someday, it will come out, probably in a collection of such things. 

​Nebraska was mind-numblingly dull. No curves or hills to speak of, only endless fields stretching to the horizon and beyond. In front of me, a straight, flat, hypnotizing road. I wasn’t a bit surprised when Seth slept through most of it.
           
In fact, I envied him. Not because he was spared the boredom of this enormous state, but because sleep came so easily to him. I needed a bed – preferably my own – with room to move and blankets piled high. And pillows. Fluffy, fluffy pillows.
           
I blinked and shifted in my seat to keep myself awake. For most of this part of the drive, my anxiety had been enough. While Seth slept, my brain churned, turning in on itself as it reminded me of every little thing I had ever done wrong. Not just this most recent event either. It dredged up decades old incidents too. And like a hamster on a wheel, it kept spinning, never letting me forget any of it.
 
Curling up in a bed forever was more inviting than I would have thought possible.
 
Meanwhile, the mile marker told me it was less than 100 miles until we hit Denver. The scenery was bound to get more interesting soon. Maybe I would finally be distracted enough to get out of my own head for a minute.
           
Seth’s voice sounded from the passenger seat as he stretched his arms out in front of him. “Are we there yet?”
           
I met his eyes with a steely stare, and he winked at me. “No,” I told him. “In fact, at this point, I’m convinced that the state of Nebraska is as wide as this whole goddamn country.”
           
“You may be right,” he said with a yawn.
           
“There’s a rest stop coming up in a few miles. I was going to stop for a bathroom break and dinner,” I said. “What do you think?”
           
“Sounds good,” he said and twisted his neck until it cracked twice.  
 
More questions begged to be asked, but I gave Seth a few miles to fully awaken before broaching them.
 
“Can I ask you something, or are you sick of my questions by now?” I said finally.
 
“Go ahead,” he replied.
 
“Why am I here?” I asked. “Like, why bother with me at all?”
 
I watched Seth shift so that he almost faced me. “Well, the main reason was so I could keep tabs on you. I didn’t trust you to be by yourself and not try to warn Paul of what was coming. I told you that.”
 
“And I get that part,” I said. “But now you’re talking about being partners or something? Like, aren’t you afraid I’ll only fuck everything up?”
 
Seth sighed loudly. “First of all, you should know that I am not a fan of passive aggressiveness. If you want to know what I think of you, or something you’ve done, all you have to do is ask. Second – ”

“I’m pretty sure I don’t have to ask to know you think I’m an idiot,” I snapped.
 
“Second of all,” he breathed. “I could use a partner out here, and somewhere under there, under the series of stupid decisions, is a competent person.”
 
I glanced over at him in confusion. “How – how do you do that?” I asked. “How do you insult me and compliment me in the same breath?”
 
“The truth is not an insult, Dani,” he countered. “Don’t tell me you’re trying to deny your part in the shambles your life has become.”
 
“Of course not,” I said. “I just don’t need the reminder right now. My own brain is doing a good enough job of that on its own.”
 
“No, no, no,” he said. From the corner of my eye, I could see him wagging a finger at me. “You’re not getting out of facing this. You’re not running away from it this time.”
 
“What are you talking about?” I argued. “When have you seen me run away from anything?”
 
“Well, off the top of my head, there was the jewelry business you were excited about,” he said. He ticked the items off on his fingers. “I don’t remember anything coming of that. There was therapy that you went to what, once? And weren’t there cooking lessons or something in there. It might have been sewing.”
 
It had been neither. I had gotten some recipes from online that I wanted to try, but no one to try them out with. And an acquaintance had agreed to teach me to crochet, but I’d never followed up with her. And how did he remember all of that anyway?
 
“Supplies cost money. Craft shows cost money to vend at. And I’m broke, remember?” I said. “And I lost the job with the good insurance so therapy was out after that. But I doubt you know what any of that is like. Paydays like this probably happen all the time for you!”
 
“Those are all excuses, Dani,” he said. “You stopped because things got difficult, not because they were impossible. And no, paydays like this are not common for me. In fact, this one was supposed to help me get out of town and move on. But now that’s put on hold because of you too!”
 
“What do you mean, get out of town?” I asked. “Move on from what?”
 
“It was time,” he said simply.
 
Time for what, I didn’t know. And I was sure he wouldn’t tell me, in spite of his assurances to the contrary. A sign for the rest stop I’d been looking forward to said it was only one more mile away. I could barely wait.
 
“For future reference – by the way – these little lectures of yours are a way better punishment than anything else you’ve done to me,” I said as I slowed for the off ramp. “You might want to keep that in mind.”
 
“I have no doubt you’re correct,” he said. “Physical pain tends to be fleeting. Dealing with our own demons, our own minds, is far more difficult. It’s no wonder you have little interest in it.”
 
I could feel the tears begging to be unleashed. I parked quickly then snatched my purse from the back seat. “Do you want anything?” I asked.
 
“Oh, I’m coming with you,” he said. “Do you have money? Cash, not a bank card?”
 
“Actually, I do have a little,” I told him. “But what happened to trusting me?”
 
“There are limits,” he said.
 
“And treating me like a person, a partner even, instead of a fugitive? What happened to that?” I asked.
 
“There are limits to that too,” he said and nodded toward the large building in front of us. “Let’s go.”
 
Inside, I hurried for the restroom. I couldn’t let him see me crying one more time. Couldn’t admit how deeply his words had cut me. Who needed a knife at this rate?
 
I sat in the stall and wept as silently as I knew how. It certainly wouldn’t do any good to have some nosey stranger get too inquisitive. When the worst had passed, I exited to find Seth waiting for me. He leaned against the wall, one leg bent, hands in his coat pockets, as nonchalant as anyone has ever looked.
 
“Listening again, I see,” I said, and started to walk past him. But he stepped in front of me and blocked my path.
 
“You listen to me,” he said in a near whisper. “I will never lie to you. You may not always like the truth. It may not be easy to hear. But I don’t tolerate dishonesty. From anyone. Is that clear?”
 
“Sure,” I shrugged. Anything to get away from him. “Can I eat now?”

He moved to the side and motioned for me to go on. “After you.”
 
My stomach threatened to shut down again, but I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t give it something. The rest stop had a fried chicken restaurant and I decided to try that instead of another burger. I also bought a trashy looking paperback so I would have more to look at than barns and fields.
 
Seth raised an eyebrow when he saw the book. “I don’t need depth,” I told him. “I need a distraction.”
 
“Fair enough,” he said.
 
Before leaving, Seth pulled over to the nearby pumps to get gas and agreed to take over behind the wheel. “How much further?” I asked as I nibbled on a chicken leg.
 
“If I push through the night, we should be there sometime tomorrow morning,” he said. He shrugged out of his coat as he continued. “Why don’t you stretch out in back. You can take this. It’s warm and too bulky to drive in.”
 
“Thanks,” I said and reached for the door handle.
 
“Before you go – one last lecture,” he said. I turned back to face him. “Not lying to you includes not making promises I can’t keep. So you’re not going to get an ‘everything will be fine’ out of me. What I can promise is that we will work through this, step by step. We’ll figure it out as we go. Deal?”
 
I smiled as I hung my head. Figuring out each other seemed inherent in the process. And following his lead felt natural. “I like that actually,” I said. “And I appreciate it. A lot.”
 
“Good,” he said. “If you’re going, this would be the time.”
 
I scrambled into the backseat. My hooded sweatshirt was still balled up there, and I used it as a pillow.
 
Surprisingly, I slept several hours that way. Whenever I looked up and it was still dark, I simply closed my eyes again and time seemed to pass. At the next rest/gas stop, I moved back up to the front seat. It was just after 3 a.m., and we were in the middle of Utah which didn’t look to be any more interesting than Nebraska had been. In my mind, that made Seth and I even.
 
“You know what would make me feel better?” I asked once I was fully awake.
 
“What’s that?” he asked.
 
“If I could just contact Christine and let her know I’m okay,” I replied. “Maybe I could use your phone and text her? Or message her once we get to a hotel? Please? I – I need a voice that isn’t yours or mine. One that might actually placate me by saying everything’s going to be okay.”
 
“Maybe,” he conceded. “Once we have a better idea of what’s going on, I might let you text her. But under no circumstances are you to access Facebook or any other site that can track your location.”
 
“Okay,” I said and slumped down in my seat. “But she’s real trustworthy, and I’ve always told her everything. I mean, in this case, I wouldn’t tell her everything of course.”
 
“It’s been less than two days,” he said. “Are you used to talking to her every day?”
 
“No, but now feels like a really good time to,” I replied.
 
“Give me a chance to find Paul, and figure out our next step,” he said. “Then you’ll have more to tell her.”
 
At least it wasn’t an outright no. There was hope. “That’s fair,” I told him. “Any news from Nat?”
 
“She texted earlier to let me know Paul had rented a car, but she couldn’t tell what kind,” he said. “She was going to see if she could get into their system and figure it out, but that might not be possible.”
 
“How do you know her again?” I asked. “I know why, but – ”
 
“We went to college together,” he said. “We used to work together more closely – as hackers. It’s how I know I can trust her.”
 
I was dumbfounded. It explained a lot but not nearly enough. “Excuse me? What do you mean you used to work together?” I exclaimed. When he didn’t respond immediately, I continued. “How do you even do something like computer hacking – not to mention everything else you do – and then have the nerve to judge someone else’s life?”
 
Seth took a deep breath. “It didn’t get me in debt, and the way I do it isn’t illegal,” he said. If he considered that clarification, he was grossly mistaken. But I was also too impatient to wait through another lecture for answers.
 
“How the hell is hacking not illegal?” I asked.
 
“First of all, what we did in college, we mostly did to each other,” he said. I gaped at him skeptically and he continued. “There were a few of us who spent our free time taking computers apart and building our own. We also figured out how to work around the internet, which was pretty new at the time, and let’s just say we got very good at finding things that weren’t supposed to be found.”
 
“So instead of the usual porn, you went for … what exactly?” I couldn’t even finish the sentence let alone imagine how far he had gone with this.
 
“We broke into each other’s transcripts and then tried to come up with dirt on people in each other’s families – the computer nerd’s way of cutting each other down,” he said.
 
“You’re serious,” I said.
 
“Completely,” he answered. “Now, I actually do contract work for large companies that are looking to make their computer systems safer. It’s called ethical hacking. I find the holes and help fix them.”
 
I didn’t know what to say. Clearly, I’d judged him too harshly a minute ago but what else was I supposed to think? “How did I not know this?” I asked.
 
“Because of that, Dani” he said. “Your reaction just now is why I didn’t tell you sooner. Besides, would you have been nearly as interested in stories about ones and zeros as the ones about my gambling and collection efforts?”
 
“Probably not,” I said. “But you do realize that you don’t exactly look like your average computer geek, right? And with everything else I know about you – how else was I supposed to react?”
 
“You should have seen me in college,” he said laughing. “I definitely looked the part then.”
 
I shook my head, still trying to reconcile this new information and simultaneously picture him as a younger man. “So, what changed?” I asked. “How did you go from that to bounty hunting and … whatever else you do that I know is not legal?”
 
He had to think a minute. On anyone else, it would have looked like they were trying to find the best lie. On Seth, it looked more like he was trying to figure out how much to trust me with. “I went through a very angry period as a young man,” he said. “I hated almost everyone and needed a release. I taught myself how to fight and when I was done transforming myself, I found a line of work where I could use my new skills.  Now, I go back and forth between that and the hacking. It gives my life balance.”
 
“Why tell me any of this now?” I asked.
 
“It never came up before,” he said. “But now I need you to realize that I know what I’m talking about. I know what we were doing 15, almost 20 years ago and I know how much has changed in the meantime. There is no privacy out there anymore, and there are more and more people who know how to get to that information.”
 
Still certain he was being more than a little paranoid, I opened my book and attempted to be interested in the story. We didn’t talk much more until we approached the city. It was late morning on Saturday, less than 72 hours since Seth had first shown up at my apartment.

When I next looked up, the sun was streaming through the back window. It seemed that all I had done on this trip was sleep and yet, I wasn’t rested. My mind was heavy, my stomach empty, and there were too few ways to alleviate either of those. “Where are we?” I asked.
           
“Still in Iowa,” Seth said, glancing over. “You weren’t out long. How do you feel?”
           
“Groggy,” I said and pushed myself to sit up straighter. My head throbbed from lack of caffeine, and I reached for the pop bottle that still sat between us.
           
“Do you need me to stop? Get you something to eat?” he asked. “It would probably help. If you can keep it down, of course.”
           
“I don’t think so,” I told him. “I’m hungry, but nauseous, if that makes any sense? Like, I want to eat, but I feel like I’d be done two bites in.”
           
Whether he understood or not, he shook his head. “Let me know,” he said.
           
I nodded slightly and realized too late that he probably couldn’t see me. I didn’t care. “What’s the word on Paul’s flight? Any news since last night?” I asked.
           
“Nothing,” he said. “I should call Nat about that.”
           
Eager to prove my usefulness, I asked, “Do you want me to do that?” I mean, at least dial for you? I don’t even know if she knows who I am.”
           
“Sure,” he said, and drew his phone out of his jeans pocket. “It should be the last number called.”
           
Such a simple act, and I felt like I had been entrusted with precious cargo. Between my nerves and the fact that I hadn’t used a flip phone in years, however, it took me a minute to find the right buttons. I waited for the other side to start ringing, then handed the phone back.
           
“Hey, Nat,” he said after a second. “What? It’s earlier here than it is there … Iowa. Any update on Paul or his flight? … Can’t you check from home? …
           
The tone of the voice on the other side sounded annoyed, and it was temporarily gratifying to know that I wasn’t the only person who considered Seth to be a pain in the ass. Reaching into the back seat, I found the last of the Girl Scout cookies. The box was almost empty, but maybe it would be enough to calm my stomach.
           
“Alright,” I heard Seth say. “Let me know what you find out.”
           
There were a few departing words – not entirely friendly from the other side – and then he flipped the phone shut and returned it to his pocket. I was still giggling when he looked over at me. “What’s so funny?”
           
Unsure of where his patience levels were – and how much of that impatience was directed at me – I shook my head. “Nothing,” I said.
           
We rode in silence then for several miles. The victory had indeed passed, and my thoughts once again grew heavy. When I finally spoke again, it was with great hesitation. “I – I have questions,” I started. “And I – I’m not even sure I’m allowed to ask or … or if you’ll tell me the answers, or – ”
           
“Shoot,” he said and looked confused. “It’ll be clear if it’s something I don’t want you to know.”
           
What form that clarity would take – riding in the trunk versus a simple rebuke – was, well, unclear. I started with something I assumed would be easy. “Who’s Nat?”
           
Seth breathed in through his nose. “Um, I guess you’d call her a colleague. She helps me track people when I’m out of town.”
           
“And when you are in town?”
           
He met my eyes with a sly grin. “Are you trying to ask if she’s my girlfriend?”
           
“What? No!” I exclaimed. “Dude, I don’t give a fuck. I was just curious is all.”
           
A case could be made that I was protesting too much. But until he’d said it, the thought truly hadn’t occurred to me.
           
“She’s part of a small team of computer engineers,” he explained. “When I’m in town, I use their software because it has better encryption than mine. Which means my searches can’t be traced back to any of us.”
           
“And none of that is a euphemism for anything else?” I asked.
           
Seth laughed hard and loud. It was as laid back as I’d seen him on this trip. “No. It’s not,” he said finally.
           
“Does that mean you’re secretly a computer geek?” I asked.
           
“I suppose so,” he shrugged.
           
No wonder he’d recognized that old box at Paul’s house. But the concept was so incongruous with what else I knew about him. I let it go for the time being instead of delving further. “Then why did I think you hated technology and the internet?” I asked.
           
“Because I know what it can do, and what people are capable of when using it,” he said. “What I do often requires that I stay under the radar. I can’t do that with sites like Facebook tracking my every move.”
           
“You can turn that off, you know,” I said.
           
“Not entirely,” he replied. “Or at least, not easily. Better to not bother.”  
 
I nearly rolled my eyes – he suddenly sounded like someone from my parent’s generation and not a little bit paranoid. “And that’s why we couldn’t bring my phone?” I asked. All of this would have been easier, I realized, if I could have disappeared into the interwebs instead of trying to figure out how to deal with Seth.
 
“Precisely,” he said. “I doubt anyone is looking that hard for you, but hacking into your phone to find your location isn’t that difficult. And it tends to be one of the first steps.”
 
“Gee, thanks,” I said.
 
“You’re not exactly the Lindburg baby,” he said. “That’s all I’m saying.”
 
I’d known he was older than me, but I suddenly wondered just how out of touch he was. I let that go too. “Just so you know, I am going to start getting the DTs any minute now – I may even start hallucinating and feeling phantom vibrations of a phone that isn’t even in this state,” I said.
 
“If the next hotel we stay at has their own computers, you can check news sites and the like, but social networks and emails are out of the question,” Seth said.
 
“Fine,” I said and crossed my arms over my chest. His words about acting like a teenager returned to me, but I sent them away. This was all so stupid. He was right that no one was looking for me, certainly not yet, so all of his so-called safeguards felt pointless.
 
“Was that all?” he asked.
 
“No, but I – ” I chewed my bottom lip. This was the hard part, and I had to choose my words carefully. “Well, I’m not sure how to ask this.”
 
Seth indicated the road that stretched out into the horizon in front of us, and the vast fields on either side of us. “I’d say you had time to figure it out,” he said.
 
“Please don’t be mad,” I said.
 
“I can’t promise anything until I know what you’re talking about,’ he said. “Out with it.”
 
I sighed and wondered how long it would be before the tears could safely be kept at bay. “It’s just that – well, it feels like you know exactly what’s going on. Like you have this all planned out and everything, and I don’t have the first clue. I’m in the dark over here, and I – ”
 
I wiped at my eyes and stared at the floor. What I needed to say would have been difficult under normal circumstances. To this person I felt had virtually kidnapped me? Basically impossible. “Shit, I – I’m scared, Seth.”
 
The silence that followed was interminable. In reality, it was probably only a few seconds. “Of what?” he asked gently.
 
“Of what,” I muttered. As if there could only be one thing. “Of everything, Seth. Of finding Paul and everything going sideways. Of not finding him. Of nobody knowing where I am because I don’t know where the hell I am. And of – ”
 
I looked over at a man who was far more complicated than he had seemed only a day earlier. I thought of the harm those hands could inflict, something I had only known in theory before. “Anyway, of everything. All of it.”
 
“Of me?” he asked.
 
I nodded slightly. If you had been looking at me, it would have been almost imperceptible. To me, it felt huge.
 
“I’m driving, Dani. I need words,” he said.
 
“Yes,” I said, and swallowed hard. My voice was thin. “Also of you.”
 
“Good,” he replied. “You should be.”
 
He paused then. Whether it was for dramatic effect or to decide what else to say didn’t matter. I inched closer to the passenger door, knowing that wouldn’t matter either. But it made me feel better. “That’s not helpful,” I told him.
 
“I don’t have to be scary,” he said. “This could have been easy. You know? But everything I’ve done so far has been a response to you. Your attitude. Your refusal to take responsibility.”
           
I started to protest, but he continued before I could get the first word out.
 
“Having said that, yes, I know what I’m doing,” he added. “But I’m also playing it by ear to a certain extent. I have to allow for a lot of variables. One of which is that I’m not used to having someone with me for this part of a job. So don’t take it too personally when I don’t tell you every detail.”
 
That was far more information than I had expected from him. And while it made sense, I still didn’t appreciate being some sort of experiment. “Okay,” I said. “But where does that leave me when this is all over? What happens then?”
 
“You’re getting ahead of yourself,” he said.
 
“I don’t think I am!” I exclaimed. “I get driving across the country – sort of. I mean, I still think it’s weird, but you’re good with it, so it’s fine. But how do we find him then? What are you going to do to him? What’s my part in all this?”
 
For all my earlier hesitancy, I had somehow located a well of courage and defiance.
 
“I can’t tell you exactly how that’s all going to play out,” he said. “What I can tell you is what I promised you yesterday. Cooperate with me, do what I tell you, and we’re square.”
 
“All that means is that you won’t throw me in the trunk!” I yelled.
 
“Among other things,” he said, and brought the handcuffs out from his back pocket and held them out to me. “Because my intention was to work together. If you can’t do that – ”
 
The courage well dried up real quick. “Please don’t,” I begged.
 
“If I have to put these on you, you will be wearing them in the trunk,” he said. “Now, my plan is to get us through Iowa, maybe a bit into Nebraska, then stop for lunch and let you take over. Until then – ”
 
I snatched the cuffs away. Every other alternative – including tossing them out the window – would only land me in the trunk. Why fight him further? “This is why I was afraid to ask any questions, by the way.”
 
“I don’t blame you for having questions,” he said. “I blame you for fighting me and making this more difficult than it needed to be. And for your continued refusal to acknowledge your part in this. Why don’t you think on that for a while?”
 
“You know, you could save a lot of trouble by just boring me to death with your lectures all the way across – ”
 
His fist gripping the back of my hair tight shut me up. “Keep pushing me. I dare you.”
 
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry – please.”
 
Seth let go with a shove. “Put those on,” he said.
 
I complied without a word. But as he returned his attention to the road – as if nothing unusual had just occurred, by the way – I regarded his features. And then his torso, his limbs. This person I’d thought I knew. “I don’t actually know anything about you, do I?” I mused.
 
I watched his eyes close and open again slowly, and his chest heave as he breathed deeply. When he spoke, it was with a measured and unsettling calm. “What should scare you is that you are only now realizing that,” he said. “First lesson? Never bet more than you can lose. And always know who your opponents are.”
           
We didn’t talk again until he stopped in a rest area just past Omaha. He pulled off to the side where people were still in view, but it was less congested than the main parking lot.
           
“I have a proposal,” Seth said.
           
I pressed myself against the passenger door and quickly took in how close the closest people were. A family was exiting a minivan a few spaces away, and even from the corner of my eye, I spotted a fidgety baby. It would take a lot to get their attention.
           
“If it involves the word trunk, I swear – ”
           
“It doesn’t,” he said. He had been staring straight ahead, but shifted then to dig into his front jeans pocket. “In fact, it’s the opposite. You’re not a criminal, and I shouldn’t be treating you like one. Go ahead and change into a different sweater if you want.”
           
He unlocked the cuffs, then reached back and placed them in his duffle bag in the back seat. It was clear that this gesture was meant to fill in the gaps left by his minimal words, but I needed more. “What’s the proposal?” I asked. “I’m sorry if I missed it.” 
           
Seth ran a hand over his face and rubbed his chin. “Right. I want us to be partners. Not equal maybe, but you’re a sidekick not a bounty. And treating you as anything else is getting us nowhere. Does that sound fair to you?”
           
“Yes, Sir,” I said with a grin.
           
Seth chuckled and opened his car door. “Stretch your legs, we’ll get something to eat, but don’t take too long. You can take over when we’re done.”
           
Well, damn. If he was going to approach the realm of apologies and being reasonable, it was time I admitted to what I’d been contemplating as well. “Seth, wait,” I called out.
           
He’d almost exited the car, the wind whipped around the surrounding plains, and for a moment, I worried he hadn’t heard me. With one leg still on the pavement, he sat back down. “What is it?” he asked.
           
I gestured toward the door. “I need to say something too. I’ll keep it short, I promise.”
           
He closed the driver’s door and looked at me impatiently. “What?”
           
“You were right earlier,” I said. “I need to stop blaming Paul for what I did. I – I know it’s a crap excuse, but I was desperate. And I didn’t think through the consequences or what I was doing, and I know it doesn’t get us any closer to him, but I’m sorry. I really am. And I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to just leave me out here or whatever.”
           
“It’s a start. Thank you,” he said and smiled sweetly. I flinched as he placed a hand on my neck, but he only drew me close and kissed my forehead. “Let’s get moving.”
           
What the hell was I supposed to do with that? Had we really turned the corner and come to a real understanding? Seth was a man of fewer words than I had realized, and I hoped his actions in the coming miles would clear things up.
           
The next thing I knew, he had opened my car door. “Are you coming?” he demanded.
           
“Yes. Yes, of course,” I said.
…
I feel like there is a lot of back and forth for a while here. They argue, they find common ground, something else goes wrong. This continues for a bit. But there's a lot of adjusting for both of them, a lot of complicated emotions, and it was important for me to show that. 

And again, we see Seth being quite frank and brutally honest with Dani here. I find his response to her admission of fear chilling. Mostly because he's right. This shouldn't be new information for her. She says early on that she knows what he's capable of, but I don't think she truly does. She thinks she does. And she thinks she's immune though the reason for this assumption is unclear. 

I also seriously considered a scenario where Dani threw the handcuffs out the window. But it felt like too much of an escalation. I couldn't see a way back from that. And I think that, at heart, she does want to cooperate. However, cooperating means owning up to a little more than she is comfortable with at this point. 

I woke up to the car swerving and Seth yelling at a fellow driver. Outside, was white-out conditions, and we were travelling at about 20 miles an hour. “What’s going on?” I asked.
           
“I’m calling it,” Seth said. “Next exit we get to, I’m stopping at a hotel. I was hoping to drive through this but it’s ridiculous. And some idiot just tried to run me off the road.”
           
A lifetime of living in Cleveland and I had never gotten good, or comfortable, driving in snow. I was glad Seth was behind the wheel because I would not have gotten as far. “Thank you for not making me take over,” I said.
           
“Nobody should be out in this shit,” he said. Signs appeared for an exit one mile in the distance, but I didn’t recognize the location.
           
“Where are we anyway?” I asked.
           
“Just outside Cedar Rapids,” he said. “Should be plenty of options.”
           
Of course he was right. As we crept along, more signs indicated there were also fast food restaurants, a local diner, and gas stations at our exit. Seth pulled into the first hotel we came to. The parking lot looked full, however, and as I watched him walk in, I was not hopeful about our chances for a room.
           
Several minutes later, he returned and backed out of the spot without a word. “Any luck?” I asked.
           
“Huh? Yeah, but we have to pull around back for the closest entrance.”
           
“Oh.”
           
We grabbed our suitcases but nothing else, I noted, and went inside. Our room was on the second floor, but close to the entrance. There were two double beds for which I was grateful. Seth threw his duffle on the far one. “Do you care which bed you get?” he asked.
           
“Huh-uh,” I replied. I hovered on the far side of my bed, near a round table with two chairs, and chewed my bottom lip.
           
“What?” he asked.
           
“I guess I’m waiting to see what you’re going to do,” I said with a shrug.
           
“Oh, I see,” he said as he approached me. A wry grin appeared, and he placed his hand on his back pocket. “Can I still trust you?”
           
“Sure.”
           
“Tell me.”
           
He stood directly in front of me now, every intimidating inch of him. “I promise,” I whispered.
           
“What are you promising?” he asked.
           
“Jesus,” I muttered. “I promise I won’t try to get away or sabotage you or whatever else you suspect me of. Happy?”
           
“Very,” he said and stepped closer. His eyes twinkled. “In fact, I thought both of us could use a little help relaxing.”
           
I tried to back up, certain there must be a misunderstanding, and ran into the table. “What are you saying?” I asked.
           
“Come here,” he said and pulled me up for a kiss. I stood on tiptoes while the rest of me melted away. This was what I had wanted for the past year, what I had thrown away because what? He wouldn’t open up to me? It all seemed so silly and inconsequential.
           
And then his hand moved up to my neck and grabbed my hair. I snapped out of my revelry and right back into the present. “No … I can’t,” I said as I pushed him away. “I’m sorry.”
           
Seth blinked at me, even less sure of what to make of my outburst than I was. “No problem,” he said and turned toward the bathroom. I wondered if he was going to jerk off in there.
           
“I’m sorry – shit,” I called after him. “I thought I wanted it too. I – ”
           
“It’s not a big deal,” he said before he disappeared behind a closed door.
           
Hanging my head, I collapsed on my bed, palms first. “What the hell, brain?” I muttered. All I was sure of was that I had started to panic, and didn’t know why. He hadn’t forced me, hadn’t acted like the pleasure wouldn’t be reciprocated. It had been a hellish day – why not relieve some of the pressure, right?
           
By the time he returned – and it wasn’t long, certainly not long enough for anything elicit – I was sitting on the edge of the bed facing him. I chewed my bottom lip again.
           
“You alright?” he asked.
           
“Sure,” I nodded. “I’m sorry though. Honest – ”
           
“My god,” he said as he sat down across from me. “You were barely this apologetic after trying to steal my money. Turning down sex is hardly in the same league.”
           
“There can be similar consequences though,” I told him.
           
He removed his sweater and tossed it over by his duffle behind him. “Not from me,” he said.
           
“Thanks,” I said and surprised myself at the sentiment. He shouldn’t be getting cookies for not raping me, I thought. Even if it was the second time in less than 24 hours.
           
Seth ran a hand through his hair, then turned down the blankets. “Something else on your mind?” he asked.
           
“A lot of things,” I admitted. “Mostly that I feel like I already had a nap and now I’m not that tired.”
           
“Turn on the tv if you want,” he said and tipped his chin toward the flat screen that sat on a dresser in front of the beds.
           
“Are you one of those people who can sleep through anything?” I asked.
           
“If I fall asleep while it’s on, I’ll be fine,” he replied and picked up his phone from the nightstand between us. “Just keep in mind that I will want to be up and out of here early.”
           
“Gotcha.”
           
He sat back against the headboard and dialed a number. As he waited, he drew his arm up over his head, and I admired the lines of his body. Lines I could have been exploring myself if my brain hadn’t sabotaged me.
           
“Hey, Nat,” he said. “Can you do me a favor and check on Paul’s flights for me? … Oh really?” He laughed at something this Nat person had said. “That’s great … keep me updated alright? … Thanks.”
           
He snapped the phone shut and met my eyes with a big, goofy grin.
           
“Who was that?” I asked.
           
“Nat?” She’s one of the people I met with this morning. Paul is, as she put it, in ‘layover hell’,” he said. “Stuck in Chicago due to weather and they keep delaying the flight by an hour or two at a time, so he’s not going anywhere.”
           
“You mean we’re actually ahead of him?” I asked.
           
“For now,” he said and shut off the light that shone over his bed.
           
I did the same with my light and never did bother with the tv. Instead, I crawled under the blankets to contemplate the day’s events. It had certainly been the strangest roller coaster ride of my life, and I had a lot to sort through.
           
Before drifting off, however, I realized what had really gone “wrong” with Seth earlier. My eyes snapped open and I stared at the ceiling. All the things I had wanted Seth to do to me – and had started to picture him doing – he had already done for real. He’d choked me, slapped me, and tied me up. On any other night, that would have been foreplay.
           
But now I couldn’t separate the fantasy from the reality. He hadn’t been playing the night before. Hell, he hadn’t been playing earlier in the day. My thoughts spiraled as I replayed the events of the trip and our arguments so far.
           
And I wondered what the new day would bring.
…
            My eyes blinked open at the sound of Seth closing the zipper on his duffle bag. He was already dressed, and the bathroom light illuminated him from behind. “Hey,” I croaked. “What time is it?”
           
He glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It faced his bed more than mine. “Just after 5,” he replied. “The storm is past and I want to get on the road.”
           
It occurred to me then that he might leave me in the hotel. I sat up and rubbed my eyes. “Okay.”
           
“I’m going to clear off the car – they’re supposed to have a continental breakfast downstairs too, so I’ll grab us some bagels and coffee for the road,” he said. As he spoke, he grabbed his overcoat from the nearby chair and heaved his bag over his shoulder. “I want you ready to go when I get back.”
           
“Okay,” I yawned.
           
Seth placed his hands on his hips and regarded me an extra second. “This might be a good time for a ‘yes, Sir.’”
           
“I wouldn’t hold your breath,” I told him. “Oh, and can you see if there’s a vending machine instead? I’m not really a coffee person.”
           
“What do you want?” he asked.
           
“Anything brown and caffeinated,” I replied.
           
“I’ll look,” he said and opened the door to leave. I didn’t even have time to thank him.
           
As I stood and stretched, I found muscles screaming that I hadn’t even realized existed before. The mental stress, along with the physical action of the previous day, had taken a toll, and I looked forward to being under the hot spray of the shower.  
 
Thank all the gods that no one – especially Seth – could hear the sounds I made in that shower. I must have sounded like I was having an orgasm. I took somewhat longer than what seemed reasonable, sure I could simply put my hair in a ponytail and throw on whatever was on top in my suitcase.
 
It's not like I had to look good for anyone.
 
But I also took the time to think. Some of the same thoughts that had swirled around the day before returned under the steam. So much had already changed. I didn’t really miss home, I realized. I missed the familiarity of my usual routines, and the imaginary ideal of what ‘home’ could be. But that familiarity hadn’t made me happy and my routines were taking me nowhere.  It was time to take my chances somewhere else. I leaned against the shower wall and cursed myself for every mistake I’d ever made. I tried to cry but seemed to be out of tears.
 
Instead, I stepped out of the bathroom, grateful Seth hadn’t yet returned, and felt more vulnerable and fragile than I could ever remember feeling before. If he looked at me sideways, I was sure I would break down.
 
When the door opened again, I was wearing jeans and a bra, but was otherwise packed and ready. Seth nodded toward my suitcase. “Wear the same top as yesterday,” he said.
 
I took a step back, away from him. As if that might save me from his wrath. “Why?” I asked, my voice shaking.
 
“Because I said so,” he said as he walked past me. He turned on the bathroom light, presumably to make sure we hadn’t left anything, then returned to me and drew a bottle of pop from his coat. “Oh, and here.”
 
“Thanks,” I said and cracked the cap. “Are you going to handcuff me again?”
 
“Maybe,” he replied. “Maybe I just need you to know it’s an option.”
 
“Right,” I muttered. The sweatshirt had landed on top of everything else in the suitcase. I threw it on, replaced it with the one I had been planning to wear, and zipped it closed. Only then did I realize he had already taken his duffle to the car and that he had brought back bagels for us. He grabbed those from the table, and we were off.
 
But once again, I could barely eat. So I tore off bits of bagel and nibbled.
 
“You get paid today, right?” Seth asked. “Is it direct deposit?”
 
I’d been so deep in thought, I’d barely heard him. “What? Oh, yeah. On both counts,” I said.
 
“What time does the money usually arrive in your account?” he asked.
 
“Well, it’s usually there by the time I get to work,” I said with a shrug. “So, sometime between midnight and 8 a.m.”
 
Seth nodded. “Okay. That might have to wait until after we find Paul then.”
 
He seemed to speak more to himself than to me, and I eyed him suspiciously. “I’m not actually going to get any of that money, am I?” I asked. “I mean from my paycheck, that is.”
 
“Of course you will,” he said. “But we know where that is. And it will still be there in a few days’ time. The same cannot be said for my money. The reason we’re on this little adventure, remember?”
 
“Of course,” I muttered. And just as I had suspected, that was all it took. I began to cry quietly, staring out the side window.
 
“Did something happen while I was out of the room earlier?” Seth asked.
 
“No,” I said as I wiped my eyes. “I was just thinking. Probably overthinking actually. About what I would normally be doing at this time of day, and how I’d normally be looking forward to the weekend.”
 
“Do you think this is what I want to be doing with the next few days?” he snapped.
 
Even I knew the answer to that one, but I couldn’t say it without far more sarcasm than he would appreciate. “At least you know what you’re doing though,” I said. My voice rose as I continued “You know where we’re going and what to do. Me, I’ve just given up my entire life and everything that’s familiar to me. I’m in unchartered territory for me! But you don’t care about that do you?”
 
Another mirthless chuckle. He was really good at those. “I actually care far more than you would think,” he replied. “But I also understand why that doesn’t appear to be the case. And to prove that, I need to know something.”
 
“What?” I asked.
 
“I’m not normally one for hypotheticals. I find them pointless,” he explained. “But let me ask you this – what would you have done if you had gotten that call from Paul that you were expecting? Or the text, or whatever? Would you have contacted me? Warned me somehow or, heaven forbid, fess up? Because I’m betting that wasn’t on your to-do list.”
 
None of that had occurred to me. I had had no plan at all. “I – I don’t know,” I said quietly.
 
“Did I really seem like that easy of a mark to you? That I wouldn’t come after one or both of you?” he yelled. “Was I somehow supposed to be okay with losing this much money?”
 
“What do you want me to say?” I yelled back. “Huh? I didn’t know how much it was. Otherwise, I don’t have a good answer, alright? I didn’t think this through, alright? What more can I say?”
 
“You really need slapped more often,” he said. “As to your real question, what I want is for you to behave like a goddamn adult and take responsibility for what you’ve done. You want to blame Paul and say he ran away with this idea, great. But you gave him the idea, Dani. You. He didn’t come up with this by himself. That’s all on you. And until I get some inkling that you give a shit about any of that, it’s going to feel like I don’t give a shit about you.”
 
He didn’t need his knife to cut me, or his fists to wound me. The tears were instant and overwhelming. There was no blinking these back or pretending. All I could do was turn toward the window so he couldn’t see me.
 
“Do you think you’re the first person to cry in my car?” he asked. “Because I assure you that you’re not.”
 
“God, I don’t care!” I yelled. Or tried to yell. My voice cracked and I couldn’t get any volume through the tears. More frustrated than ever, I simply hung my head. After several minutes, I somehow managed to pull myself together. “I just – it’s too much, okay? It’s all just too much.”
 
“Please tell me you’re talking about the guilt and shame,” he said.
 
“Fuck you,” I muttered and continued sobbing. But it quickly became apparent I would need his help. “Shit – pull over. Please, I – ”
 
“What is it?” he asked as he slowed down. Thankfully, we were in the right lane already and there weren’t many cars on the road. There wasn’t even daylight yet.
 
“I’m going to be sick,” I told him.
 
He pulled over to the shoulder, and I had my door open before he’d come to a complete stop. All the contents of my stomach ended up on the gravel.
 
From the corner of my eye, I could see Seth reaching for something in the back. Only when I sat back up, still catching my breath, did I see him hold out one of the bottles of water. “Feel better?” he asked.
 
“Not really,” I breathed.
 
He settled back in the seat, and something about his posture made him look like he thought we were in for a long wait. I took a swig from the bottle. “No, I mean … my stomach is fine. It’s … it’s the rest of me. I don’t think there’s anything left anyway.”
 
“I’m surprised there was that much,” he said.
 
I took another drink and nodded my agreement. “Seriously, we can go,” I said. “I don’t want to hold you up.”
 
“You sure?” he asked.
 
“Yeah.” As he put the car in gear and prepared to re-enter the highway, I couldn’t help staring at him in awe. “How do you do it? Are you bipolar or something?”
 
“What does that mean?”
 
“I mean, one minute you don’t care and the next you’re being legitimately kind,” I said. “What gives?”
 
“I don’t believe in being inhumane,” he said. “I’m only cruel when the situation calls for it.”
 
Hard to argue with that. “Thanks for this, by the way,” I said, holding up the bottle.
 
“I hate that aftertaste,” he replied.
 
“Me too.”
 
“Get some rest,” he told me. “I’ll be asking you to take over later.”
           
With one last, extended swig, I finished off the bottle, then laid my head back. I was out within minutes.
​