Read the Profile - An Intro and a Memory

I've never really mastered the art of social media. Aside from Facebook, I'm not active in most of the places other people are. I have a Twitter and Instagram I never check. I binge TikTok occasionally. But putting myself out there? Promoting myself? Not so much. 

But I am active in my local kink scene. As such, I have an account on what some refer to as The Black and Red site, aka Kinky Facebook. I go through periods of being super active followed by periods of great dormancy. Recently I've become active enough that if you search for kinksters under my rather large city, my name is on the first page of results. 

This means a lot of random followers and private messages. 

My profile has also remained more or less constant for the past several years. There's a link to this site and to my books on Amazon, followed by some handy dandy conversation starters that include my geeky fandoms, my other creative hobbies, and most recently my interest in cigars. 

Does anyone read it? Of course not. Because I have also chosen to include some sexy pictures that even I think I look good in. Very often, these include boobs.

This series highlights some of the more egregious, laughable, and downright bananas messages to show up in my inbox. When possible - that is, when I have not blocked the person or they have not blocked me - I will include pertinent details about the other person (spoiler alert, it's not always men). I will also include CWs when I think a message is potentially triggering.

Unfortunately, many of the older ones have been blocked or deleted by now. My favorite way to respond, especially to people who were local to me, used to be to direct them to my local kink organization. Some rando would start with the usual, "wow ur hot wanna get to know each other" type message. Naturally, as soon as I suggested meeting in person, in public, I would get crickets. So there are a lot of these that look very much alike - they won't be featured here. 

My favorite from the early days follows and I will never forget it. I used to include more specific vanilla interests - not just that I liked old Hollywood, but which actors I preferred. Specifically, that Jack Lemmon was my favorite ever (still is). 

Kudos to the guy who actually incorporated that info into his message. I'll call him JL because the title of his message was Jack Lemmon.

JL:what a class guy, i especially liked him in the China Syndrome!Breastfeeding from you would be nice as well, have U ever explored and that rather new & exciting activity?

I didn't respond. I think I was laughing too hard. I think I still have whiplash from it though.