Backed Redux - Chapter 36

Darker Realms was a much different atmosphere than the Festival had been. In fact, it was different from anything I had ever been to. While there were classes, the emphasis was more on fantasy fulfillment and more extreme types of play than, say, maintaining relationships or how to throw a flogger. This was not a con for beginners. Even the parties and planned activities involved a level of hedonism I’d rarely seen.

When I had excitedly told a couple of friends what we were planning to do, they suggested we warn whoever might be monitoring the space before we started. I went a step further and informed one of the organizers ahead of time. I told them that while our scene might look and sound real, it would be completely consensual and that I would have a signal worked out if I really wanted it to stop. They assured me we would fit right in and simply asked that we remind someone once we arrived. We did.

But that first night, we mostly watched others play and figured out the general layout of the space. We met up with the few attendees we knew from home and talked about what classes we wanted to go to. But I was distracted and spent much of the night looking for possible ins and outs of the play rooms. They doubled as conference rooms in the real world so most had more than one door. I quickly developed a strategy.

The classes on Saturday turned out to be more interesting than I had anticipated. I had been so focused on our scene and preparing for it, that I had barely noticed who all would be teaching. There was one on fisting that held my attention more because of the presenter, a giant bear of a man with equally large hands. With his soft brown eyes and quiet demeanor, I could imagine him doing a great many things to me, but fisting was not one of them.

The highlight of my day was a class on kink and spirituality by an author I had particularly enjoyed reading. He was equally fascinating in person as he had been in print, and I longed for a chance to talk to him further. If I could summon the courage to approach him at all.

Seth and I had dinner away from the hotel so we could discuss our plans for the evening more privately. “I know we talked about my getting some type of confession out of you,” he said. “But I need to see what you think about changing direction just a little.”

“In what way?” I asked.

“Do you have anything with you that I could cut off of you?”

I mentally scanned the items in my suitcase. I didn’t normally bring clothing to big events that I didn’t like, but this time I had brought one of the first skirts I’d bought in the City. I’d bought it second hand and worn it to our first play party, but it was longer than what I usually wore. I’d thrown it into my suitcase just to have one more option. I also had fishnets with me, some panties I didn’t care much about, and a second bra, just in case. The t-shirt I was wearing was nice but nothing that couldn’t be sacrificed.

“As a matter of fact I do,” I said, still a little surprised myself.

“Good,” he smiled. “I knew there was a reason you packed so much stuff for these things. Wear whatever you don’t mind losing then.”

Not wanting to know more details, I agreed. We also agreed that the game would begin once the party officially did and that if I really wanted to stop, I would ask for mercy instead of continuing to protest.

Back at the hotel, I changed while Seth explained a few last-minute rules for the evening. “No hiding in hotel rooms – ours or anyone else’s,” he told me. “No leaving the hotel.” I glared at him, honestly curious why he thought he had to include that one. “I had to make sure,” he added.

“Anything else?” I asked, suddenly anxious to get started.

“I need an ending, a goal to work towards beyond simply finding you,” he said. “The only one that makes sense to me is if I collar you once I’ve captured you.”

“You’ll have to catch me first,” I said grinning.

“I’m not worried about that,” he said seriously. “But I need you to agree to let me remove your collar for the duration of the game.”

I stepped back and looked up at him earnestly. “I still don’t need a big, public collaring,” I said. “I meant that before and I still do.”

“That’s not what I’m after,” he replied. “But I do have a plan. We’ll do it our way.”

It was the only way we ever did anything. I bowed my head and let him take my collar away.
…
I felt like I was being hunted. Multiple exits from the playrooms also meant multiple entrances. I tried to keep my back to walls, but I couldn’t look everywhere at once. Scenes all around distracted me, and I found myself absorbed in them more often than not. People were doing things with whips, knives, fire, and even rope that I’d never seen. Things I wanted the courage to try some day. Things I kept reminding myself would have to wait for another time.

Guttural, animalistic cries sounded from across the room and I looked up to see the man who had led the fisting class hitting another man who was even bigger than he was – he had to be 6’ 8” at least – with a dragontail. Every now and then, they embraced and kissed passionately. It was primal and powerful, and they had drawn a large crowd who were all equally enthralled.

“Now that is what I call a barbaric yawp,” I heard someone nearby me say to no one in particular. I couldn’t help but agree and, if I hadn’t been so concerned with evading Seth, I could have watched them all night.

Instead, I turned away and spotted Seth entering from a far doorway. I couldn’t tell if he saw me, but he disappeared back out again quickly. I had my back to another doorway and quickly moved toward the far one, sure he would move around the perimeter and come in through the door next to me. If he did, and I didn’t move from where I started, I’d have been trapped.

Sure enough, I exited the far door and watched him walking away toward another room altogether. But it was a small room, used only for blood play and he must have noticed quickly that I wasn’t there. He turned then and promptly spotted me.

A utilitarian hallway, most likely normally reserved for employees, connected the room I was in to another large playspace. It was located in the back of the room, and wasn’t obvious until you were right up on it. With my back to the wall, I made my way toward it, hoping he hadn’t noticed it earlier too.

I hadn’t been in this room yet and was disappointed to find it was a space for quieter types of play. The music was softer, there were a couple of sensual rope scenes, and a submissive male giving his mistress a foot massage in one corner. Another woman was experiencing sensory deprivation in a steel cage. I envied her briefly before heading toward the far door. Watching my entrance, I felt sure I hadn’t been followed.

Seth and I continued this way for more than an hour. There were so many rooms, so many places to be, that it wasn’t all that difficult to elude him. Finally, inevitably, I turned a corner while exiting a playspace and there he was. Two feet away, with his back to me. I gasped and started to back away, but he had heard and turned to me with the wickedest of grins. “There you are, doll,” he said. “See? I told you I’d find you.”

“Feels more like I found you,” I said grinning.

He raised an eyebrow, and I started to back away silently—and ran right into another attendee. I apologized and tried to move around them, but there was nowhere else to go. Seth reached out to grab me by the hair and I ducked in an attempt to escape through the doorway I’d just entered through.

I was too slow. His fist connected with a chunk of hair and drew me back up to him. “Where do you think you’re going?” he growled in my ear.

I reached back in an effort to dislodge him, but his grip only grew tighter. “Away from you,” I hissed. “Let me go.”

He shoved me up against a wall, a forearm across my upper chest, knocking the wind out of me. “You have something of mine. Don’t you?”

“You really are just a common thug, you know that?” I said, still catching my breath.

Seth chuckled and took a step back. “And you’re the stupid, useless bitch who keeps getting in my way. Where is it?”

Stunned more by his words than his actions, all I could do was blink up at him. The rest of the room disappeared, and I was instantly back in my condo in Cleveland. Once again, my future was uncertain as was the limits of Seth’s anger.

He cocked his head in an expression that challenged me to dispute him, prove him wrong. I reached out to shove him backwards but he knocked my hands away. “Predictable too,” he said and grabbed my hair again. “Come on. You’re going to tell me everything.”

“I’m not telling you a goddamn thing!” I hissed.

“Oh, I think you will,” he said as he pulled me into an adjoining room. “It’s about time you told the truth to somebody.”

There was no way to get away from him now, so I gave in and let him lead me. 

“Torturing me isn’t going to do you any good,” I said loudly enough for several people around us to hear. “It’s not my fault – I don’t know anything!”

He pushed me towards a small, wooden bondage frame where his bag already sat. I steadied myself under a beam and turned to face the gaze I remembered all too well from my dining room. “On the contrary,” he said. “Torturing you is going to do wonders for my evening, babe.”

“Fuck you – why can’t you just leave this for the cops?” I asked.

Seth bent over and grabbed a hank of rope from his bag. Before standing upright again, he whispered in my ear. “My money, my rules doll.” He took hold of my wrists and tied them together before leading me to the center of the frame.

“Please – please don’t do this,” I pleaded. “I swear it wasn’t me. You have the wrong person.”

“More like I trusted the wrong person,” he said and threw the ends of the rope over the top of the frame, pulling my arms over my head, and tying off the ends so they were out of reach. I had worn low heels and he removed those first so that I stood on my toes.

“Please – I don’t know what you think I can tell you,” I continued.

Seth removed his knife from its sheath, pointed it directly under my chin, then grinned slightly. “I think I can make you spill your guts. Do you doubt me?”

I shook my head. “N – no. No, of course not, but –”

“But what?” he interrupted and pushed the blade in just enough so that I could no longer move my head. “More empty assurances and false promises? No, I’m done talking to you. Now I’m going to expose you to everyone here.”

Before I could consider all the implications of his words, Seth poked a hole in the top of my shirt then violently ripped it in half down the middle, narrowly avoiding slicing me open as well. Or at least I imagined it was close. I was just as sure it was all part of the illusion.

Neither of us spoke as he methodically removed my shirt, slowly cutting through each of the short sleeves and then tossing it all out of sight. I couldn’t even struggle, certain I would impale myself if I did. He grabbed my hair again and growled. “You really thought you could get away with it, didn’t you?” 

“I’m sorry,” I said as tears formed. “If you let me go, I can explain.”

In response, he moved the knife around the cups of my bra and then the straps. “No, I don’t think so. Not yet,” he whispered and lowered the knife to my skirt.

I tried to maneuver away from him, first backing up and then sidestepping him, but only ended up moving in a small circle, something Seth apparently found amusing. I heard his chuckle just before he grabbed the waistband of my skirt and pulled me toward him with one hand, his other planted firmly at the small of my back. “You’re still not going anywhere,” he said. “Tell me you understand that.”  

“I’m not going anywhere,” I whispered.

“That’s the first thing you’ve gotten right,” he said. 

Again, I attempted to wiggle away from him, but his grip was too firm, the knife too sharp and too close to vital organs. “You’re right, I can’t hide anymore, alright? Just let me go so we can talk about this.” I spoke almost by rote, as if reciting from a script.

Seth raised the knife and rested it against my lips, the tip just under my nose. “You had your chance to talk. It’s too late for that now.”

He returned to my skirt and though he could have removed it normally, he made a point of shredding it instead. Then, with one arm securely around my waist, he stood behind me and cut through the straps of my bra before coming around and grabbing the center of it in front, cutting through that as well. “I still love to watch you squirm,” he grinned.

“You’re not being fair,” I said.

In a flash, the knife was back up at my chest, aimed directly at my heart. “Fair?” he yelled, incredulous. The rest came out more quietly but no less fiercely. “Fair would have been abandoning you in the middle of the desert. Fair might have been letting the maids find you tied to the bed. I think I’ve already been more than fair with you. Don’t you?”

“Yes, Sir,” I cried.  The tears that soon streamed down my face were very real and just as unstoppable as they had been a year earlier.

Seth searched my eyes for a sign that we’d gone over the edge, but I nodded so only he could see. “You’d do well to remember that in the future, girl,” he said and returned his attention to my fishnets.

He alternated between cutting single strands and running the blade around various parts of my flesh, any part that was handy. When he was done, the stockings landed in shreds mixed with tears on the floor. As he ran the knife up my back, the last vestiges of my clothing fell away, and I began to sob uncontrollably.

“Let it go,” he said gently as he lowered me to the floor and ran a hand through my hair to comfort me. “It’s over now.”

I buried my face in my hands for a couple of deep breaths, certain I was on the verge of hysteria. The perfect threat in the perfect setting had allowed me to see the original incident, something that had terrified me at the time, as something akin to erotic. Seth had played the notes – and me – precisely. To anyone who might have overheard us, his words must have sounded like idle threats or simple roleplaying.

“Feel better?” Seth asked as he held me.

I nodded but there was more that I needed to vent, anger that had little to do with him.  “Can we go back to the room? I have some things – well, there’s something else I need to do.”

“Sure thing,” he said. “Help me gather everything up and we’ll go.” Together, we threw what was left of my clothes into his bag and headed back. Once we were there, he closed the door and leaned against it, motioning toward me. “What else do you need to do?” he asked.

I stood in the middle of the room and buried my face in my hands again. Only a minute ago, I had needed to yell and scream. Now that we were here, I wasn’t sure what to say anymore. I lacked the conviction I’d so recently had and felt more self-conscious than anything. Maybe this was a silly idea after all.

“Are you angry at me?” he asked.

“No,” I said. “It’s me. I need to yell at me.”

I felt his hands on my shoulders. “Let it out,” he said. “Say whatever it is out loud if for no other reason than it’s not doing you any good going around and around in your head.” I shrugged again. He took my hands in one of his and then slapped me. Not hard enough to hurt much, but enough to get my attention. “Come on – do it!”

It was a challenge, and it was all I needed.

I shook my hands free, took a deep breath, and took a step backwards. “FUCK YOU! Fuck you for making me feel small!” My voice shook and I swatted at a tear that had dared escape my eyes. “Fuck you for telling me I can’t. Fuck you for putting me down. Fuck you for insulting me and telling me I’m not good enough. Fuck you, you stupid motherfucking liar and childish piece of shit! Fuck you for making me feel like a failure. Fuck you for making me feel worthless. Fuck you for always being wrong.”

I looked up to make sure Seth wasn’t taking any of this personally and it didn’t appear he was. He stood leaning against the desk, arms crossed over his chest, with a proud expression that said, “that’s more like it.” And suddenly it wasn’t just about smashing my own emotional hamster wheel. I was going to unleash on everyone.

“Fuck your religion and your endless limitations. Fuck your phobias and your musts and must nots. Fuck your judgment. Fuck you for making me feel less worthy just because I was different than you! Fuck everything about you. Fuck your –” I collapsed in tears on the floor. “Goddammit. Fuck your condescension. Just – fuck you. Because I am so over it. All of it.”

Seth knelt beside me and wrapped his arms around me. “I hope you know that you are not always wrong,” he said emphatically. “That part of you that only wants to put you down and highlight your faults might be, but not you.”

I barely heard him. Sitting there, knees drawn up to my chest, arms resting on top, staring at the floor, I heard nothing but the roar in my head finally begin to fade. All those voices suddenly stunned into silence. I alternately shook and cried and hugged myself. Seth patiently let it all play out.

Finally, with a couple of cleansing breaths, I rubbed my eyes and cleared the rest of the tears there. Looking over at Seth, I simply said, “Thank you for that.”

“Are you ready for the truth now?” he asked.

I rested my forehead back on my arms. “Oh god.”

“I don’t mean from me,” he said. “I mean from you. Tell yourself – tell me – how strong and capable you really are.”

“I don’t think I can,” I said, still staring at the floor.

I felt his warmth and his presence leave as he said, “Of course you can, Lu.” I looked up and watched him push himself up and sit on the bed behind me. “And unless you do, you’re not getting your collar back. On your knees, here.” He patted the foot of the bed between his legs.

I moved so I was kneeling in front of him.

“Tell me,” he said.

I felt my cheeks warm from blushing. “Please – this seems so silly,” I said.

“Would you rather write out lines? Because there are other things I would like to do tonight, and this really should be the faster way of getting to them,” he said.

The good stuff was far more timid and inexperienced than the anger and the insults, and it didn’t come out nearly as easily. Still, I willed it all forward and smiled as I remembered the writing assignment I’d done right before getting my job. “I am good enough, Sir. I’m good enough and I’m an intelligent adult,” I said. “I am capable and strong and – and working on getting better all the time.”

“Indeed you are,” Seth smiled. “And do you agree to continue serving me in your own, very capable way?”

“I’d love to Sir – if you’ll have me,” I said.

He removed my collar from his pocket and placed it back around my neck. “That’s my good girl,” he said. 

-- 

And that's the ending. Not much changed from the original. It couldn't have without changing the rest of the series. But I hope you enjoy how we got here, maybe more than the first time around. And be sure to check out the rest of the series too!