Backed Redux … Chapter 14

As we drove into Brooklyn, I held a list of apartment addresses that Seth had written out after passing the wheel to me somewhere in the middle of Pennsylvania. We had maps of the city and boroughs and decided to look for a hotel near the first stop in Sunset Park. I was already looking forward to staying in one place for more than a night and being able to call that place home. I had a whole new sympathy for anyone who traveled regularly or toured in a band or musical production. But at least they had somewhere to go back to. I didn’t have that yet and it was extremely tempting to feel sorry for myself.
 
When I tried to explain this to Seth, he tossed his sweater on to his bed and placed his hands on his hips. “What do you say to trying that distraction we talked about?” he asked.
 
There were worse ways to pass the time, I thought. Certainly, there were few options in that moment that would be so productive. But I didn’t want to risk adding fuel to the feelings that had already started to develop. I truly did not want to get too attached to him or be too heartbroken when he inevitably left town.
 
“Seems less important now,” I said.
 
“What do you want then?” he asked.
 
If only it was that easy, I thought. I buried my face in my hands and turned away from him. The room wasn’t big enough for real pacing. “I – I’m so confused,” I confessed. “And what I want is to wake up, you know? Find out this whole thing has been a dream, and I’d never even met you.”
 
The mood shift was palpable, and the air grew heavy again, much like it had while we had been on our way out of my condo that first day.
 
“Oh really?” he said. “Because I can be out of your life tomorrow. After all, you have your cut of the money now. You have your new identity. What do you actually need me for?”
 
My shoulders slumped, and I floundered for a suitable way to explain. “I – that’s not what I meant,” I told him.
 
“Then what did you mean?” he asked as he advanced on me. He waited a beat before continuing. A beat that felt eternal to me, yet still didn’t give me enough time to figure out what to say. “I need an answer, or you do the rest of this on your own.”
 
Think, self, think. Give him something practical, something logical. “I – I still need to find a job. I need someone to help make ends meet until then. Plus, you’ve done this before. Or something like it at least. I – I need someone to help me avoid the pitfalls. You know, navigate everything.”
 
Seth nodded slowly as the slightest of grins emerged. Then his hand shot up to wrap around my throat. “Is that all?” he asked. “Because I think maybe you need this too.”
 
Maybe we both needed it, I thought. “Yeah, I do,” I sighed.
 
Letting go, Seth stepped back as he surveyed the room. “There’s not as much room as I had hoped here,” he said.
 
“I wouldn’t know where to start anyway,” I said with a nervous giggle. “Wrestling was never really my kink. I mean, I liked the idea, but I don’t know moves or anything.”
 
“Someone made a kink out of wrestling?” he asked, incredulous.
 
“Oh, you really have no idea, do you?” I retorted with a chuckle.  
 
Ignoring me, Seth turned toward the toy bag that sat on the floor nearby. “Let’s see what all is in here,” he said. “Turn around and face the wall.”
 
I did, but kept my peripheral vision trained on him as he dug through items that hadn’t seen the light of day in more than a year. The first thing he brought out was a long, black cotton scarf that easily served as blindfold, gag, or something to bind wrists and ankles.
 
He put it around my eyes.
 
“Son of a bitch,” I muttered.
 
“Careful,” he said and pressed me into the wall. “I liked my mother.”
 
“Then maybe I was calling your father a bitch,” I breathed.
 
“That’s my job,” he said.
 
And that was a lot more Schroeder family history than I needed right then, I thought. I didn’t push it though. Mostly because he was pulling my sweater off over my head. Then one hand held firm at the base of my neck while the other removed the rest of my clothes. And not politely.
 
Seth turned me around to face him. I could feel his hand rest gently on my breastbone, the perfect position from which to pounce or back away depending on my answer to his next question. “You alright?” he asked.
 
“Yeah,” I breathed. “I’m fine.” 
 
“Do you have a word you use to get out of situations like this?” he asked.
 
My shoulders immediately relaxed. “Stop,” I told him. “I’ve used ‘stop.’ It’s simple and when I say it, I mean it. The same cannot be said for other protests.”
 
He pulled off the blindfold and I blinked, certain the light was brighter than it had been when we’d started. “Do you need to stop?” he asked.
 
I absolutely did not. But I needed to test a theory. “What if I did?” I countered.
 
He dropped the scarf to the floor, took a step back, and spread his arms. “Then we stop.”
 
I had known people – men and women – in the kink community, who had had years of experience and who wouldn’t have changed course as easily as Seth had just done.
 
“What if I don’t?” I asked as I stepped toward him.
 
Seth narrowed his eyes. “Are you testing me now?”
 
“You better believe it,” I said. “Because I can’t do this – any of it – if I’m afraid of you. And you can say what you want about this just being play, but it can be incredibly useful, and I feel like we both need that right now.”
 
His eyes scanned my naked frame, and I could see the wheels spinning in his mind. Then his hand shot up to cover my eyes. I trembled beneath him. “What are you afraid of?” he asked.
 
“Wh – What?”
 
“Are you afraid of me or the dark now?” he pressed.
 
“I’m afraid of not being able to see what you’re doing,” I told him.
 
“Good,” he said. He removed his hand, but the light was temporary as he reached down to retrieve the scarf then pulled it tight around my eyes. “Open your mouth.”
 
I released my jaw slowly, not at all looking forward to what he was about to do. “I know you can talk through this if you need to,” he said. He wrapped the cloth over my mouth and secured it behind my head. “What does ‘stop’ sound like from you right now?”
 
Again, I had to give him credit. It wasn’t a question most people would think to ask. I struggled to move my mouth around the tight fabric, and managed to say something approximating stop. Apparently, it was good enough for him. He turned me around and tied my wrists behind my back.
 
He smacked my ass for several minutes after that, me struggling to pull free and him holding fast. As far as I could tell, this required very little effort on his part.
 
When he grew bored of that, he shoved me toward the bed. I landed with a high-pitched squeal, then used my legs to try to scramble backwards. Seth was on me in a second, straddling my torso and wrapping a hand around my throat. My arms were pinned painfully beneath me.
 
I tried to push up with my feet to get him off of me, but Seth was not so easily moved.  “I could tell you all about how futile this fight of yours is, but I suspect you’ve already figured that out,” he said.
 
All I knew was that I needed to push back against something physical, something sturdy but ultimately unyielding. Seth was that something.
 
Taking both my breasts in his fists, he bore down and leaned in. “I think it’s time to figure out if that mouth is good for anything besides being insolent,” he said.
 
He loosened the gag enough to remove it but kept the cloth over my eyes. “Can I have my hands – please?” I asked quickly.
           
“You can have one hand,” he said. He rose up on his knees, and I rolled over enough to allow him access to my wrists. It must not have been a complicated tie because it felt like he only tugged once and I was free. I bent one elbow so my arm could rest as comfortably as possible in the small of my back.
           
Even using my hand to make up for my out-of-practice gag reflex, taking Seth in was a challenge. At least he didn’t try to push in all at once.
           
Oh, but that feeling of being so uniquely pinned down. Of being completely subjugated by such a simple act. I could get used to –
           
No. No, no, no. We had talked about what he was going to be in charge of while driving through Pennsylvania. It was boring shit like budgets and schedules. Household chores and the like. But definitely not sex. Of any kind. I didn’t even know if he reciprocated on oral or if he intended to finish.
           
He didn’t. On either count. He pulled out of my mouth, paused for a condom – I could hear him open the wrapper himself and found I was actually disappointed – then slid into my pussy easily. God knows I was ready by then.
           
He used his fingers to work my clit, and before I knew it, I was screaming into the night again. Maybe we would make a habit of this after all.
           
Seth collapsed next to me on the bed. “Why didn’t we do this before?” he asked as he fully released me from my bonds.
           
“I broke up with you too fast, remember?” I replied.
           
“Imagine if you hadn’t,” he said and poked at my thigh. “We might not be where we are today.”
 
I snorted laughter. And then the sound of that made me giggle. And then the giggle kept rolling until it engulfed both of us. “It wasn’t that funny,” I said, still catching my breath.
           
“I think maybe it was,” he replied.
 
Which sent us into still more uncontrollable laughter. It was our version of gallows humor, the type no one else would ever understand.

…

So that happened. Again. Let's see, how many times before it's a thing? Oh right, at least three.

I love how he handles consent here. I love that she tests him and that that doesn't anger him. And I love that they laugh so hard at something that … probably isn't all that funny. Not to us, the audience, at any rate. Because the absurdity is something only they would understand. 

And yes, I realize that all sounds like I have no control over their actions or responses. Honestly, I'm not sure I do. I just take dictation.