Secretary - A Look Back

First of all, it is not okay that it has been almost 20 years since the movie Secretary was released. How is it possible that 2002 was that long ago?

Now that we all feel old, let’s take a look at this film that shaped so many kinky lives.

Background
Despite being a child of the 80s and early 90s, James Spader wasn’t on my radar until well after I was an adult. I knew who he was. I even have an inexplicable memory of watching Sex, Lies, and Videotape with my parents as a teen. Who the hell thought that was a good idea?
 
But for some reason, he simply didn’t stand out until I came across him one random night on the Sci-Fi Channel. The movie was Supernova and suddenly, I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I don’t remember much else about the movie, other than he and Angela Bassett had a surprising amount of chemistry, but I do remember going in search of his other films.
 
First, I went to my best friend, a fellow 80s child. “Watch Secretary and Less Than Zero – you will need a cigarette after,” she told me. And she was not wrong.
 
I’d heard of Secretary but didn’t know much about it. At the time, I subscribed to Premier Magazine, and I remember one of the headlines being, “Spader Does Another Weird Sex Movie.” I’m not kidding – I looked it up recently, sure I had to be remembering it wrong. I wasn’t.
 
So there I was – 2005, maybe early 2006, watching a man bend a grown woman over a desk and spank her. The result was a lot of conflicting emotions, and the only thing I was sure of was that I wanted that to be me.  
 
I just wasn’t quite ready to admit it to anyone.
 
Criticisms
The main criticism I’ve seen for this film is that it equates being kinky to having a mental illness. We literally meet Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character right as she’s being released from a mental institution because she has been self-harming.
 
Spader’s character has his own issues. He has clearly attempted this spanking routine on other women who have worked for him, and let’s just say it has not gone well. One of them has likely sued him over this as she comes in later demanding that he “sign the settlement.”
 
For people who had come to terms with their kinks before watching this, who had maybe been around the public scene for a while, I can understand where such criticisms come from. If I watched it for the first time now, I might have a similar response.
 
Seems like every police procedural has at least one episode where the killer turns out to be kinky. Those kinks are portrayed as a motivating force behind the murder. Clearly, such deviant and aberrant behavior should have been scrutinized sooner. Criminal Minds, especially, was always labeling unsubs as “sexual sadists.” Like that’s a bad thing.
 
It gets old fast.
 
But I recently rewatched Secretary, and there’s more to unpack than I had previously noted. Far too much to address here, but I will do my best.
 
Everyone is Damaged
There are no healthy coping mechanisms in this film except for kink. It takes most of the film for that to become clear, however, so let’s start at the beginning.
 
As noted, Lee Holloway (Gyllenhaal) self-harms. Despite whatever amount of time she has spent in therapy at the institution, she goes right back to it once she’s home. But she’s far from alone in her destructive behavior.
 
Her father is a violent alcoholic. Her mother has been the victim of his outbursts for who knows how long. And her sister, despite getting married in an opening scene, is still going to live at home (in the pool house in the backyard, apparently).
 
Lee’s bedroom is an escape. It’s frilly and girly and even a bit childish. But there are bright colors, ruffles, and glitter. Even her self-harm kit is decorated with stickers. Her age is unclear, but there are plenty of references to high school, as if it hasn’t been that long. I’m guessing she’s supposed to be around 20.
 
And yet, she’s never had a job. She doesn’t drive. She barely knows how to dress or do her hair. The only thing she is confident about is her ability to hide her scars and keep her activities private. She was only institutionalized because her mother caught her one time out of many years of practice. But the fact that she was attempting such behavior while doing dishes with her mother says a lot about her abilities – and her mother’s obliviousness.
 
Enter E. Edward Grey (Spader). What the hell kind of law does he practice? And how on earth does he ever get any work done with zero technology? Also, why does he have a “Secretary Wanted” sign outside that looks like a Vacancy sign outside a motel? The office also has a rodent problem, apparently. And he has plenty of time to tend to his orchids.
 
I’ve worked in my share of law offices. This is all weird.
 
And the red flags start immediately. Does Lee have an appointment for this interview? Why doesn’t he greet her out front? Why is she left standing the entire time? I would have likely walked out as soon as I couldn’t find the person who was supposed to be interviewing me. Or he asked me to make coffee – as part of the interview. Just … no.
 
But I’m not a naïve young woman trying to get her first job either.
 
Fixing What Needs Fixed
Before long, Mr. Grey begins to work on Lee’s confidence. And I don’t think it’s entirely so he can bring her back down later during his humiliation play. He addresses her “sewing kit” (funny how quickly he picks up on that, isn’t it?) and is even able to explain why she does it in a way that makes sense to her.
 
This is one of my favorite scenes in the film.
 
“Is it that sometimes the pain inside has to come to the surface and when you see evidence of the pain inside, you finally know you’re really here? Then, when you watch the wound heal, it’s comforting. Isn’t it?”
 
This is still one of the better explanations I’ve seen for being a masochist.
 
Afterwards, he sends her on a walk home. Alone. Without her mother who has literally been seen to wait in the car all day for her daughter. It may not seem like much to most of us, but it is something she accomplishes on her own, with no help from anyone else.
 
He also tells her – orders her even – to never cut herself again, as if that’s all it’s going to take. It’s not. But let’s face it, this is basically a fairy tale, so we don’t really have time for real therapy here.
 
Not long after this, the spankings begin. But we’ve already seen her confidence grow. She has started to dress like an adult. Her hair looks more professional and grown up. It’s not just the kink – it’s having someone truly believe in her.
 
Choices
We proceed to watch Lee continually choose to go back to Mr. Grey. There’s a difficult evening where she chooses to go to his house rather than harm herself. She can’t get the words out to tell him what she wants, but it’s clear. She’s looking for him to hurt her.
 
Later, she tries to convince him that she really does want to stay on and work for him. He’s the one ashamed of what they’ve done, not her. In fact, there’s a lot of shame in him over what he wants, and we see that over and over again too.
 
So she looks for other outlets. She seeks out other partners and apparently learns boundaries (there’s a guy who tries to pinch and squeeze her nipples before they even get to his car, and it’s pretty clear there is no second date). It’s a quick, montage-like scene of her figuring out what she wants.
 
And she does it on her own.
 
Further, I submit that the guy who asks her to tie him to a gas stove and throw tomatoes at him is one of the healthiest people in this film. He’s not ashamed of what he wants, he obviously knows how to ask for it, and it appears to work for him. The film doesn’t even seem to imply he’s wrong, just that the specifics are a little unusual. I say good for him.
 
Anyway, Lee runs back to Mr. Grey only after she has tried other methods of meeting her needs. Now she knows what she wants too. She’s confident in her desires, and when her fiancée asks why she won’t stop?
 
“Because I don’t want to.”
 
There is no longer any doubt or fear in her. She knows herself.
 
And the people who try to come to her aid? They all think they understand, that they’ve figured out what’s really going on, but they are all wrong. They all miss the mark. They’ve all taken one aspect of her behavior and tried to make that the whole of who she is. I love that her mother brings her peas, by the way. As if the peas themselves were ever significant.
 
At various times, I have been both Lee and Mr. Grey. I remember taking part in questionable and/or dangerous activities because I didn’t know any better. I remember when all this was new, and the sensations were exciting and weird and overwhelming. But I also remember a great deal of shame associated with my desires. I knew what I wanted long before I entered the kink community, but constantly felt like I had to hide or suppress them.
 
So you can see this film as just one more example of “kink portrayed as a mental illness,” but I get it. I identify with these people. And it is far more complicated than that.
 
That Ending
Like any good fairy tale, Secretary ends with our main characters living their best life together. He washes her hair, listens to her describe her scars, and then celebrates her body.
 
I find it all beautiful, erotic, and sensual.
 
The film finishes with Mr. Grey driving off for work and Lee sitting on their front porch. She stares directly into the camera. Despite some previous voiceover, she seems to address the audience for the first time. And she does it without a word.
 
I dare you, her expression says. I dare you to examine this and find the flaw.
 
This is not a perfect film. It probably shouldn’t be one’s introduction to kink. And yet, there is so much that it gets right. So if you’ve dismissed it before, maybe it’s time to revisit it. Look beyond the surface, beyond the spankings and the pony play.
 
Because my actual favorite part?
 
Kink isn’t treated as something that needs “fixed.” Instead, our happy couple learns to embrace their kinks and find healthier outlets for their desires. Kink can be beautiful and liberating and in the end, that’s exactly how it is portrayed.